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Kenyan women living and working in the US have opened up on why most love relationships with Kenyan men are not working.
A majority of women interviewed by the Nairobian laid the blame on Kenyan men for the current state of affairs.
Sarah Mwangi, who works as an auditor in the US, says Kenyan men are brilliant but lack what she termed as ambition.
“They lack the drive and their presentation is so poor. Some will still don those ‘Mwalimu Jini’ shoes, yet they are in the United States,” she said.
Chero Leitich, who hails from Nakuru, vowed never to date a Kenyan man again and is currently seeing someone of a different race and nationality. She broke up with her Kenyan boyfriend due to “demands of the environment” and thinks the relationship would have worked in Kenya.
“Even something as simple as a public display of affection, which women value so much, is almost impossible with Kenyan men,” she said.
Chero adds that Kenyan men dislike outspoken women, adding that they are not motivated, lack ambition, and are comfortable in circles where they only drink and have barbeques.
Rebecca Musau, a nurse based in Washington DC, agrees with Chero’s sentiments. She says: “It is true the single ladies find it hard to find men. I know some in their 40s with no men or kids in their lives. They have money but no man. It is not easy to get a white or American man. They are too busy just like everyone is in America. You may get one from online dating sites, which unfortunately has seen many women being scammed by con men.”
Given that white and African-American men are hardly available, many women have opted to stay single or become single mums. “I think Kenyan men are few compared to women here,” adds Rebecca.
Rebecca also feels that rights, freedom, and money are to blame for failed relationships between Kenyans in the US because women are not subjected to the directions of their men as is the case in Kenya.
“With such freedom, you can understand the runaway infidelity that has become the order of the day here,” says Rebecca.
She also thinks that women adapt easily to the American environment compared to men. “Even a woman from the remotest part of Kenya comes here and a few months later, she will be driving and earning $2,000 a month (Sh170,000), probably from babysitting. Do you think such a woman will care about or respect the husband?” she poses.
But Sonie Kendi, who moved to Indiana four months ago, says it boils down to individual preferences.
“Some Kenyan women cannot date Kenya men and vice-versa. Generally, most of my friends prefer American men, black or white, to Kenyans,” she says adding: “In my estimation, I think as East African women score highly amongst American men because our black American women counterparts are rowdy, uncouth, and not as ‘feminine’ as us, hence we attract their men.”
Rhoda Adera, a Missouri-based journalist, says the nature of life in America is the reason why Kenyan women cannot find suitors.
“It depends on the visa one is granted. Save for those who immigrate here on the Green Card, many Kenyans come here as students or visitors. Without proper documentation, you cannot work and without work, finding a stable relationship is nearly impossible,” she observes.
She adds that this is why many Kenyan men and women seek to marry Americans to find their path to citizenship. Rhoda adds that unlike women, Kenyan men find it hard to cope with the liberal culture in the US.
“Women navigate the culture shock faster than men. Unless you were brought up in a wealthy and liberal family back in Kenya where you share responsibilities with your sisters, the idea of a housewife in America is non-existent. The hours can be unforgiving and that complicates many relationships.”
She adds: “Views towards marriage are looked at from a cultural, financial and academic perspective. Before you settle with anyone, there must be a catch. But you notice younger women are not really interested in marriage anymore.”
Comments
There is a woman or man for each person! It only takes searching for your kind!
However - the women complaining fail to realize that in Kenya, there are 9 women strong for every man! Mostly a man has an advantage getting a woman any where in the world.
As the sisters complain, keep in mind the stiff competition you are going against! And the more educated the woman is, the less the chances of hooking up with a man - it how things are everywhere!
You can get a decent man if only you can lower your arrogance and understand basic statistics! It is real!
Even the guy wearing “old teacher’s shoes” will secure a date much easier than that sexy Kenyan woman abroad! Humble yourself sisters and unload that emotional baggage you carry with you everywhere! I’m Just saying folks!
I wonder what Kenyan gay community think as they peruse through most of these negative ,and vitriol comments...
this is not to suggest that their relationships are friction free.But undoubtedly they are curious.I liken this to the curiosity Mzungu has when blacks argue and dissect colorism,and whiten their skin.
The gay just keep thinking the little talk by the disgruntled Kenyan community favors them in catching these confused “straight” whiners; I mean on both sides - man or woman!
@ Waciori right on. Preying on the vulnerable.Someone here has said that the ration of women to men in Kenya is 9:1. I highly doubt that.Last I checked it was pretty even something like 52;48..But if true you are right.There would be alot of "Polygaymous" unions.
Maxie,
You are right about 52/48. But this is at birth. The ratio gets lopsided past 17 or 18 when there are more MARRIAGEABLE women than men. The operative word here is marriageable because it comes with everything that pertains to that age group. Only a very special man will be look at with any amount of interest by an 18 yr old girl. She will be more at home with a 30,40, 50 yr old man and that is where my 9:1 brother is coming from. A 30 yr old man and an 18 yr old girl is acceptably borderline. 40 starts being suspect and 50 borders on paedophilia. Unfortunately, pervase men and economically challenged girls are the norm today. Very sad but very true.
Surely the writer Wanjohi knows how to stir up the hornet of these lonely Kenyans living abroad!
He picks the most sensitive topic about love and who sleeps with who and he wins big! We all now know how the almighty dollar have destroyed the bedroom matters of our sisters in America.
These women can’t find any man to just get laid!? Damn ! - and what does love got to do with it? The unattended sexual feelings seem to run these women to the gutter and smoking!
Does the sex tools (toys) we hear are sold in America not do as good as the real man’s tool? Evidently not based on the complains from these women!
Just look at the comments here! People back here in Kenya are wondering what has begotten their sisters and brothers in the far lands! Just take one muratina, get a little drunk and losen up for a quick hit!
Let’s just face it! Kenyan women, like most women in the world, are chap chap and find most Kenyan men “slow” and opt for American men to help them navigate the American Culture. They find their Kenyan men not as adaptive to the culture as they are. Cultures are different and some women look down on their men when the women earn more say when they complete an educational program that their Kenyan men helped them accomplish. Many stories of Kenyan or African men supporting their women complete college only for these same women looking down on them and breaking it off once earning more. To most westerners regardless of race, it doesn’t matter who is working or makes more. Even when hubby doesn’t have a job he contributes in many other ways like with kids and around the home, and it’s never a problem. The family is just as happy. The African culture for the most part is different in this regards and either the man without a job or making less is too insecure and intimidated leading to depression and alcohol or the woman with a job or earning more despises their man thinking he should be making more. Times are hard and everyone have their own challenges, hold close to the one that loves you unconditionally but above all follow your heart.
hey wakenya nimesoma note memeandika hapa kuhusu relationships,na how women from kenya adapt more easily than men.
wacheni uwongo wambieni wakenya ukweli wa mambo hapa.kama huna status ya immigration do not come with your wife here.she will be taken by coercion ,she will be told to insult you to make you angry ndio apt asylum.wakenya engine wenye states watamchukua.na bila status huwezi fanya kazi wala huwezi complain haha kwa police. na utakuwa homeless kama were ni mean ume na unaweza ukafa,uende jela au kwa bahati nzuri urudishwe nyumbani.huo ndio ukweli na mengine mengi watu wanaume hupitia
that is a lie that kenyan men are slow.do they become slow after getting to usa?
the discrimination and demeaning of african men when they come to usa is unbearable particularly for those men without status of immigration.they are demeaned by their own kenyans who assume a Godly attitude of benevolence to the status less immigrants.
people should stop telling lies about kenyan men in usa or any foreign countries.if women want foreign men it is their wish and they can do so as they have always done but quit saying it is because kenyan men do not show love, opening car doors and holding hands in malls and supermarkets is a measure of love.why do they not ask for the same at home before they come to usa.
why would a lady want to be helped to open a car door when she has two hands ? why do you as a lady want your hand to be held in food for less ,and walmart ,is the visit there not to shop?even white women i do not see them holding hands everywhere unless the 12 to 20 year olds.
kenya women live your lives in america but stop using kenyan men as excuses for your choices of white men or black american men
you do not have to explain why you have a white man or why you have a black american man it is your choice enjoy them and please leave us kenyan men alone. Sam a proud kenyan man and i respect all peoples comments and hope you respect my telling the truth as i know it from experience.
please editor you need to show my two comments in response to all the lies written above about kenyan men.unless you are also one of the those who advocate for racial bias and racial class among people living in usa.
True about some KE men lacking ambition and being lazy. They enjoy free bbq and booze wherever they can get invited. They would rather sleep in a corner for free than work the 40 hours a week. Don't @ me
I dated a Kenyan Man for 2 whole Years and he never told me even once that he loved me. I loved him to death though and I would have him back in a jiffy. I love my Brothers and NOTHING can compared. I will move Heaven and Earth to make it work, but would never talk ill of our Kenyan Men.
Nice article
I love Kenyan men
Kenyan women are masculine and seen even attractive. You’re arrogant yet you’re unattractive to all groups of men lol.
Kenyan women are unattractive and so I don’t know why they’re acting like they ca. just get men when they clearly can’t because they’re single and are in their 30s and 40s still looking for a man because nobody wants them LOL.
While the Kenyan women abroad are busy chastising their Kenya men, the international women (especially the white) are very hard at it chasing that Mandingo man! They will work hard to get that brother and even pay all his expenses without whining like the Kenyan women do.
It is so easy for dark man to get the most gorgeous white woman because they understand what Kenyan men can do in bed for them! They get the brothers and mold them to their liking to fit their mold!
So sisters from Kenya, let us change our attitudes because we are our own enemies and we are losing out!
Do you expect a man to be your baby sitter or your daddy! Those naive expectations will get you nothing except loneliness!
Drop your emotional shenanigans and understand a Kenyan man got his life to live! That is the only way you will get a good brother to work with!!