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So you are a new immigrant in the USA. Or you have been here forever. The rules apply to all. Follow these simple common sense guidelines and you will enjoy your freedom.
1. Men. This country places you at the bottom of the pecking order. Children, women, and pets (in that order) are ahead of you. So get in line and peleka hiyo ujuaji yako Kangemi.
2. Young men. Do not be copycats. When you see boys in the hood sagging thsir pants, it may be a sign that they are available for their fellow gay men. If you are straight, pull up your pants to the waist.
3. Drivers. Obey all the driving rules in the drivers manual. No exception. You are not in Makadara, Nairobi. Wacha ujuaji ya madere wa mathree. Buckle up, and tell all your passengers to do so. Do not jump the lights, do not park or wait in the disabled spot or fire lanes; you will attract so much fines utalipa in installments.
4. House owners. Tune down your music. Your neighbor will call on you if your house is too loud.
5. Do not. Repeat. Do not leave kids unattended. Ati sijui motto amelala uendee maziwa hapo kwa kiosk. Wewe. Utanyanganywa huyo mtoi na uwe deported mara that! Umesikia?
6. Be careful what you post on social media. Hizo mambo za kuwa tagged in naughty Friday night parties muache. Sahau. Your boss or future boss is watching. You will lose your job or fail in future jobs.
7. Be kind and nice. Hii dunia haitaki kiherehere yako. Just because you saw a bellicose Haitian woman screaming at the policeman or a loud mouthed African American woman yelling at people na wewe uanze. Wewe, usijaribu. Huku sio kwenu.
8. Back to men. Usilete ujuaji yako hapa. Just because you were a cattle dip chairman in your village in Maili Nne, now you think people here care. Nobody wants to be bossed around. Including your woman and kids. The first thing kids learn in school is 911. If they tell on you at school, you will never know what hit you when those nosy social workers begin to investigate you.
9. Kama huna papers. Lie low like an envelope. Niseme kama Ole Ntimama. Usitake watu wajue status yako. Hujui nani snitch. Especially watu wa church. They will be the first to tell on you.
10. Na nyinyi ambao saa zote ni kusema wale wengine hawana papers. Shame on you. Kwani huku ni nyumba ya baba yako? Wacha watu wafanye kazi wajenge Jamhuri. Wacha muchene jamani!
11. Kids in school. You have a very bright future. This country offers you the very best. You cannot get it any better anywhere in the world. Get your 4.0 GPA and see how the world will lay a red carpet for you. Scholarships will come flying your way. You will chose what Ivy League School to attend. Trust me.
12. For all of us. Keep out of trouble. That green card can be revoked just like that. Hebu jaribu failing to file taxes. Ama minor felony like DUI. You will be shipped back to your miserable village before you say Sasha!
13. Hata Mungu alikuwa na sheria kidogo. But lastly. Use your common sense. Hapa si kwa mama yako bwana!
By Mzee Moja | mzeemoja14@gmail.com
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yes you read and you comment fool!
Ati this writer wrote "This country offers you the very best. You cannot get it any better anywhere in the world." Mi nakwambia hiyo niyako. I don't know where you went to school in Kenya and also if you went to school here but I will tell you for free that American education sucks. They have buildings and resources but the curriculum and the classroom instructions are diplorable. I have studied in three countries including the USA and I will tell you one thing my USA professors commented after watching my performance in a professional organization conference studen t conference was "those your African professors must have taught you very well." and they had. I sat in a graduate class with fellow PhD and masters students and the professor asked something I remember we learned in sabdard 6 in Kenya and your American (This country offers you the very best. You cannot get it any better anywhere in the world.)didn't have a clue. I have also taught college in an African country and the USA and I will tell you that US students come to College so unprepared. They waste so much time in high school with fancy classes and time wasting subjects like gym class and when they show up in College they don't have all these Chemistry, Biology, Physics ect concepts that we chopped real good in Kenyan high schools. So don't be so easily impressed. Also some of the things they teach kids are meant to derail their morality. Did you read the article by a white professor Ameritus that explained why trunp is wining in the polls? The reason is fearful, angry poorly educated whites whose life expectancy is curiously shortening while those of other groups rise but according to your ujuaji analysis "This country offers you the very best. You cannot get it any better anywhere in the world." Have you tried American food? Chemicals, chemicals and more chemicals than in your average chemistry lab. Kenya/African food? yum yum yum no chemicals..even simple ugali, maziwa mara, kales and some grass-fed Amish beef (not hormone raised beef), chapos, rice, mukimo you know. So stop the shallow analysis. Did you also see the article that said America should stop claiming to be a Christian nation? Go slow. America works for those whom God's plan is for them to be here. Even if they face challenges God's grace abounds. If God's plan is for someone to be in Kenya or Israel or Germany and then they miss it and manga manga to the US, then things might become sticky. So the best advise if to tell Kenyans to ensure that it is God's will for them to be in America instead of forging their way here. I was in another African country doing masters and I met a west African lady who was studying in Florida and had come for research in that country. She told me something very helpful: she said don't borrow a bank statement from some rich relative so as to get admission in the US because that will deceive them that you have money and then you go suffer like many Africans. Trust God for an assistantship instead." That advise really helped me. So you have good points but some of your statements need to be taken with a pinch of salt. America has a set of challenges for everyone regardless of how they got here; my professor told me that America ensures that they make someone jump some hoops before you truly belong. Those hoops come in many shapes and sizes but if God is for us, who can be against us? But if someone comes like "I just want to set my feet on American soil..whichever way even if it is not God's will." Then trouble may arise. If God desires you to stay in Kenya and succeed there then stay there or go back after your little studies. If you got a green card/lottery ensure you get some education in the US because sometimes they have trouble recognizing your foreign certificates ..depending. Being in America should also help you appreciate what Kenya has, not just what it doesn't have. Again your chips and 20 sausages order when you land in Nairobi...cause of how you've missed them. Enough
Guest 2,
Kudos for your very level-headed response to this shallow piece as you have rightly described it. There are certain fundamental truths that have helped the US rise to greatness and anyone and any nation can rise to the same heights or even beyond if they obediently pursue them. These include a strong sense of purpose and direction, determination, self-belief, a strong can-do mindset, strong work ethic and other similar traits that, together, comprise the ingredients of success. I hate blaming circumstances and other people for anything negative happening in my life but much as I try, it is almost impossible to divorce the fate of the less successful (minorities) in the US from the reality of discrimination and racism everywhere. Of course it doesn't help to dwell on these and folks in these situations should do their best and move on. There are very misguided elements out there like this article writer here who believe the US is Nirvana and who dread ever going back to Kenya, ever. They've been hoodwinked by the American system that this is the best system in the world. They are blind to realities such as the present undercurrents behind the rise of megalomaniancs like Donald Trump - the pervasive sentiment amongst white Americans that power, both economic and political, is slowly sliding away towards the "brownies", the minorities, a replica of a much bigger global phenomenon in which power is slowly but surely shifting from the west to the east. I stand with you as far as American education is concerned, in general terms. The average American graduate is severely uninformed about the world around him, expressing ignorance at every turn and it makes one wonder what kind of education they go through. This is one reason an American degree, which once commanded a lot of respect in Kenya, is no longer considered as such, actually coming way lower than a local degree. Fact is, a very good command of the so-called ingredients of success as outlined above will propel any John and Jane to whatever heights they desire irrespective of whether they are in the USA or Kenya or wherever.
@Guest 2; Recalling a piece of information from your standard six class is not enough for you to discredit a system that is world league. Tell us more; after your episode how did you fair on alongside the same students? this kind of backdoor self aggrandization is often based on stereotypes-wish I had time to engage more in this conversation. Mzee moja keep them coming.
According to your opinion African education may be "better" than American but unlike Kenya where people get shortcuts to aquiring degrees ,in the US of A you have to earn it .
Education is Kenya ni ngumu sana but they do not teach how to translate those skills/education they teach to real life. Education in usa is easy but they teach you how to translate what they teach in real life. Best hospitals and doctors are in usa, china steal the technology from usa. Which can't china steal the technology from Kenya?
You aced the truth with a spade. You forgot to add on trying to embezzle money from Medicare/Medicaid and IRS. Some common behavior from across the pond which has put several people here in prison.
If I had some time, I would write and properly respond to Guest 2 and your those in support his/her argument. Firstly, you must appreciate that the initial writer is speak writing. I bet you the writer has some folks in mind who probably understand his tone and language and possibly are laughing about it as they eat ungali and sukuma wiki.
Anyone who has raised children in this country, taught in the high schools or Universities understand what Guest's sentiments of the level of education of a Kenyan who comes to attend school in the USA, but have you considered that: most of the Kenyans arrive here older, mature, 1100% book sense with very little disruption, with school as their only focus? have you considered that while there is a large cross section of American students from the weakest to the brightest, (due to availability of college education), that those who attend college in Kenya are the only academically and financially capable lot? Have you considered that while the American college kids go to school are at the same time navigating social growth (dating etc), while most Kenyans I know end up being socially awkward and most women never getting married? How about the fact that America has the most PHD holders than any other country in the world? Just food for thought.
Just imagine this scenario:
You came from the village where you did not know any one who had ever gone to Nairobi University, grew up walking bare feet and had a few clothes you could call yours;
Then by sheer luck you end up in a high school that changed your accent, learned how to write the best English that could be written, and passed with flying colors (division 1 of extremely high points), but because of your parent's limited exposure and financial status ended up never making it to Nairobi University or any other college;
Your Fourth form classmates who went to Nairobi University graduated and their 3 times your salary earnings send you to an abyss of helplessness, but one day, a stranger's 5 minute conversation opens doors to Landon in America, where you picked your academic prowess from where it was cut off after 4th. form and today you could consider yourself one of the American's middle class:
Do you see how you could think that America is the best thing that ever happened to you?
While I have no ill feelings towards those who went to what we would consider ivy High Schools if there was such classification, and then to the Universities in Kenya, go by the So and Sos, It would be ignorant and presumptuous to carry on that entitlement attitudes Kenyan elitists engage in, to assume that one can make it in Kenya just as much they can over here.
I know many of you would after a while want to believe it is not a big deal to be in the USA, but the truth of the matter is, you can own both USA and Kenya without downing the other.
14. Avoid fights at all cost. People have guns and you can be killed for such a small fight..............
15. Drugs ni mingi sana sana
Baada ya kusoma hayo yote na maoni ya vichwa mbali mbali, inaonekana ya kuwa kuna shinda ya utenda kazi kule kenya na kuna shida ya uadilifu Merikani, Hata hivyo cha muhimu ni kutumia nafasi yoyote ile popote pale kuimarisha maisha na kufuata sheria kikamilifu hata kama ingawa kuna udhalilishaji wa wanaume Merikani. Sina la ziada
Very Nice piece of work Mzee Moja. To those who criticize, understand that it may not have been meant for you and also that not all people share the same point of view. I prefer to pick what i find useful in other people's stories.
Just saying
Not sure what this article means.The same rules apply everywhere...What's the point of showing a good side of a coin and not a bad side...have you ever been stopped driving for how you look,followed in the shopping mall for nothing,denied employment etc etc there are many more....we are dealing with humans not angels..and we are still on earth....please do some research and re-rwrite your article.......and if you can andika another article on polisi,wanainchi na ubaguzi