At Crossroads: To Return to Kenya or Not?

Hi Habiba,

You are not alone. Im also torn between good and good.

I 've a first degree from kenya and a masters here.I feel good because i have achieved academically.

The problem is that i never get job satifaction as i never work in my field even thou im making ends meet financially.What complicates things is i have two kids and one is in grade6 and so much attatched to this system.Iwant to work in my field back home but i also dont wanna distabilise my kids.Its a challenging decision  to make and im not surprised you are in the same junction.

What i can  tell you is you make a decision and dont look back what you will loose if you opt to loose one option because you can never have both. Mpanda farasi wawili hupasuka msaba.

Just a thought.

wish you well.

Leave a comment your thoughts are important to me. 

Habiba

Its a trade off. In Kenya, you have a better quality of life and especially if you find a good job or go into business, Of course you will have family and friends too. In the West thereare  opportunities too if you get them but the quality of life is questionable.However, there is law and order which I cant see back at home for a very long time.

You should make a decision based on your priorities and these as you know change over time so you have some difficult decisions to make. Good Luck

Hahaha, thats not unusual and is what most of us are facing here. Some have been here more than you have and find themselves in the same situation, myself included.

The answer to your dilemma is not a short thing. You have to look beyond 10 yrs in the future and envision yourself. Where do you see yourself? Working here, living in some suburban home, raising a family and having friends? Being at home(kenya), working there, living in some good neighborhodd, having friends and family? Those paths look similar but they are worlds apart. Your choice may define the path your life takes.

My advise, think longterm. Consult your family and close people. Choose what you think is the best for yourself, career and family.

Thank you so much you guys, it really means a lot to hear what others in similar situations think. 

Hi Habiba...Truly a rock and a hard place. I would stay here and wait to see how things pan out at home. With your phd you will def be able to get a good job, buy a home and even start a family. With a good job and good pay you can visit home every other year or so and your kids get a good shot at a good education. I have lived here long and have no regrets. My two children are done with school and have launched. We have a home in the suburbs in a good place. We go home every year eimainly in summer because we are both in academia. And like you say going home only serves to reming you of the kind of accomodation you will have to make. Those at home who are happy have to make tons of money but you still encounter stuff that your chums can't buy like horrid traffic and rude store workers who think they are doing you a favor by checking you out! The security also bothers me and I have read horror stories from visiting diasporans who go home and forget to put their gurd up thinking they are still in the US!

You sound young. Settle here. Get established. Make some money. Support your fam at home and visit regulary. If you can start to make stuff at home to ready for your eventual return. I think the choice is clear. And that little business of a romantic inclination...if it was meant to happen here let it happen. Don't make that part of your grand scheme of things on your return home. There are no good ones just waiting for you and you may rue the one you let go here!

Good luck!

What great advice Zaida, thank you. Its true you really can't buy security and peace of mind one has when here, the politeness that people treat each other with e.t.c. 

I truly appreciate your thoughts. 

Chirchir, they say east or west, home is best. I happen to come to this country at around the same time you did. But I came along with my wife with whom we now have two little children. Sbe is graduating with her masters next month while am still working on finishing my masters program. The thing is that I have gone through the steepest climb in my life since I came here. I am glad my wife has had a very good experience as she has done professional jobs since we arrived here. But because I had to work overnights while taking care of the kids during the day while doing school part time, I have found myself wondering whether life here is worth it in the first place. This is especially so considering that before we left Kenya to come here, we had both acquired our bachelors and were well set in our career paths.

As you know, sometimes it is easier coming here as a student because your trajectory is more or less set and also there are those small issues of status that forces one to maintain their journey along the small and narrow path. That is not so for folks who come over with the so-called green card. One has to be very focused if they have to better themselves both academically and in other positive ways. I therefore fully understand your dilemma because I have on more than one ocassion questioned the logic of staying in this country. But when I look at the quality of education my children are receiving and the quality of my own education along with that of my wife, I still think that we are better off here than we would back home. The only problem is that no two people can describe what is ideal in the same way. Some, like you, seem to regard family relations very highly while some of us do but not to the extent of making decisions that would out costly to us, including our loved ones.

I would strongly suggest that you take you time here but that is only so if you have worked out the small matter of legal status to live and work here. In fact that is the very first thing you need to consider. If everything is set, you can work here and visit home even yearly if you want. In fact you can make it even twice a year if it matters that much to you. I know folks who work in Nairobi and take even two years to go upcountry.

Another thing I would strongly consider is the kind of job I am going to get back home. If it is a great job then why not, especially for someone like you who don't have kids who would force you to stay here even if you wanted to leave.

No clear answer to your question though. It is more like sharing experiences and comparing notes as it were. No better way of doing it. Follow your guts and have faith in what they tell you. All the best.

Depends on what you want the sum total of your life to be........a suburban home, two cars in the garage, follow the rules and pay your bills on time. Life is good! Or go into the trenches and shape destiny not only for yourself, but for others too.  Both options can work here or back home, but it is for you to choose what you really want.  Consider not postponing on somebody who you feel are a good march for you, there may not be better in future even if it is your fellow Kenyan.  You never know, your mzungu may even like Kenya more than you hehe........

My advice to you is Do wide consultations before you think of going back to Kenya. I always advise diasporans to  visit Kenya atleast four to eight times before you think of moving back. This will give you a chance to experience both worlds and you'll have a better command of what you can do with or without. 

You can't just wake up one day and say that you want to move back without consulting on what's awaits you there. In the area of relationships, there's too many men out there who are too willing to have wife and kids. The problem i have found with diaspora Kenyans is they have a small social circles and some are afraid of going out of whats familiar to them.

Remember Kenya is a small country and its hard to make a good arguement for opportunities in Kenya compared to abroad but there could be exceptions to this. I firmly believe that if you can make it abroad and develop yourself you are way better off being there than in Kenya. But if you can't improve your life abroad then Kenya is probably an option worth pursuing.

All the best.
Chris.

Habiba, nilipofika hapa miaka zaidi  kumi iliopita, ndoto yangu ilikuwa moja tu: kusoma, kutafuta kazi kisha baada ya kutulia niilete familia yangu ili waungane nami. Kufanya kazi zenye uchovu za  mauano ili nilipe karo, na wakati ule ule kuhudhuria shule kwa wakati mmoja haikuwa kitu cha kuchezea. Miaka sita baadaye, nikafanya uamuzi ambao jamaa na marafiki zangu wakuamini: kwamba kuileta familia yangu hapa kuyapitia majanga yalionikumba.....aah! Nikaamua kwamba ili niwe na hakikisho kwamba wanangu watamaliza shule kwa wakati ufaao, watasomea nyumbani. Leo hii wawili wameshafuzu katika vyuo vikuu, mwingine atafuzu miaka miwili ijayo na mmoja wao atajiunga na chuo kimoja hapa Marekani apate shahada kama hio yako.

Nikaamua pia kwamba ili kujitayarisha kurudi nyumbani, ni lazima nifanye hili na lile ile niweze angalao kujikimu katika maisha yangu ya baadaye. Leo hii najivunia kwa kutimiza sio nilioyatarajia, lakini hatua kidogo hapa na pale, mradi mmoja huko na huko, kwa sababu naelewa kwamba nirudipo nyumbani, pengine  itanichukuwa muda kupata ajira yoyote, kuzoea utendaji wa mambo  ambao umesambaratika katika sekta zote, na kuchanganyika na Wakenya wenzangu ambao fikira zao zimo pale pale, maswala katika ofisi za umma ni zile zile, kasumba za kupata huduma kulingana na umjuaye yeyote imo vile vile, na  utendaji wao wa mambo ni ule ule. Lakini nyumbani ni nyumbani, ingawa pangoni. Niko tayari kupambana na hayo nitakaporudi hivi karibuni.

Unasikika kana kwamba veve ni Mkenya chipukizi tu na unayo mengi yakutimiza mbele. Miaka sita ulioishi si kitu ikilinganishwa na wale ambao wamekuwa hapa zaidi ya miaka kumi na miwili. Ukweli ni kwamba wengi ya Wakenya uwaonao Marekani na nchi nyinginezo za magharibi, mimi na wewe tukiwa mmoja wa hao, TUMEKWAMA, " we are stuck!" Nina furaha kusikia kwamba umemaliza masomo yako bila kutatisika wala kukatisika. Hilo ni jambo. Kama taaluma yako ni ya kisayansi, na huna makaratasi, kuna uwezekano wako wewe kuyapata hivi karibuni wakati serikali itapitisha msuada wa kuwaajiri wageni waliofuzu na shahada hizo. Pili, shahada yako yaweza kukupa nyumbani kwa urahisi zaidi, hasa tukikumbuka mlipuko mkubwa wa vyuo vikuu na sekta za kibinafsi.

Hakuna anayeweza kukupa mawaidha ya kukutoshereza wewe kwa sababu ndoto na matumaini yetu hapa Marekani hayafanani. La muhimu nikuyasikiza yote kisha kuvichukuwa vipengere vile ambavyo vitakufaa wewe. Mimi natarajia kurudi nyumbani wakati wowote kwa sababu nimechoshwa na mzunguko zunguko wa masiha hapa; rafiki yangu anambia nyumbani harudi ng'o bila kutoa sababu yoyote; mwingine ananambia hana chochote na harudi nyumbani kuchekwa na aliowaacha nyuma miaka ishirini baadaye; mwingine kasema atarudi nyumbani wakati mambo yatakuwa shuwari na wengine wananena bra bra bra......hata mengine siyaelewi.

La muhimu kukumbuka, nyumbani ni nyumbani, upende usipende. Jipange dada yangu kwa kuhakikisha kwamba utakapoamua kufunga virago vyako, kamwe hutafikiria kurudi hapa tena. Shida kubwa ya kuishi hapa Marekani ni kwamba miaka inakwenda kwa kasi; upatapo kazi, mara unagutuka kwamba una madeni chungu nzima ikiweomo ya kadi za plastiki, gari, nyumba ya kununua au ya kukodisha, malipo ya nguvu za umeme, maji, malipo ya yaya anayechunga watoto wako, na mahitaji yale mengine. Inakubidi wewe ufanye kazi mbili tatu ili uweze kujikidhi, au kama una kazi moja, uyatie masaa mengi pale ili mbinu za kujikimu ziwe upande wako. Unapogeuka na kutazama nyuma, dada  Habiba, unagundua kwamba miaka sita mingine keshapita, na hakuna hatua hata moja ambayo umefanya kujisatiti mwenyewe. Yaani, kama Mtulivu, umekwama. Kama wengine, umekwama! Nikuombea mema utafutapo jawabu mwafaka katika uamuzi wako.

Chirchir, you are well educated.  You will have many opportunities here, and a chance to get to the top of your field. Stay here. Visit home regularly and support your aging parents how you are able to. Keep your options open, and should you ever get a good job/biz opening in kenya, then move back. Most importantly trust God and follow your intuition. Also consider opportunities outside both Kenya and the US.

Habiba,

Home is good. North America is good too. However, you must identify what you value most. I can make a financial killing in Kenya and live well. Here in the West, I am just an average guy. What keeps me here is the sanity in terms of personal safety and that of my children. I cannot trade any wealth with the shootings, abductions, rapes etc that seem to have defeated the government forces to eradicate in Kenya.

Sasa Chirchir.

These are questions people ask every now and then.Everyone has different needs in life.Education,companionship,spirituality,Cultural enrichment,safety.etc.These needs can be met differently at different places.America happens to place an emphasis on meeting the basic needs.Food,clothing and shelter.These are needs that all human beings want regardless of their origin.As a result America attracts people from all over the world because they can easily meet these needs.They have worked hard to build a system that meets these needs.But the question is once you have met these basics then what.....thats the hard part for most people who fail to answer this and end up in the stato rat race.grow old and wonder whether  it was all worth it....people still want happiness even after all these.

Thats on the positive side.On the negative side America has many problems.Actually very many just like kenya.Kenya has its many positives also.So whereas  America has been able to solve some of the basic need problems we mentioned.It has challenging social problems.For example there are people who will like your group or origin and people who will not and this is a fact as was seen in the last elections.This will affect everything from where you live and work if you are lucky on a job.There are many other problems for example security/crime and safety in the urban areas.If you can be realistic and understand these problems as part of the situation you will deal with when you stay out here then that is part of your finding a solution.

Also remember life is not stagnant your needs change.Today you are young strong and vibrant.Tomorrow you are old and weak.\

Therefore you have to think long term.The truth is the reason why you have been able to succeed in the US education systems is because you went through cha mtema kuni education system home.pretending that home is trash  is like someone looking at their shadow halafu anaikojolea.Everyone owes Kenya something.The truth is one day you will grow old and i can tell you their is no SANTA CLAUS IN AGING IN STATO.NI NGUMU KAMA CHAPATI HAIKUPIKWA NI KIMBO.In kenya on the other hand if you prepare well you age gracefully ask NJONJO.

Be practical.If you have opportunities currently here and you are still undecided.Keep working.Plan in chunks of 3-5 years;on what you want from stato and what you want from Kenya.Way the pros and cons.As you get older relationships will be more important than achievements so i suspect you will want to transition to Kenya if you do not have any relationships here.Thats the truth.If you start a family here thats different.You can make it work here and retire home.

Bottom line your needs will change!!!!!!!!!! and also if you want kids there is something called biological clock.Stato is big on things but very low on connections,friendships,relationships etc thats why the LAST TWO US AMBASSADORS TO KENYA HAVE DECIDED TO SETTLE IN KENYA AS THEY AGE....THINK AGAIN. THERE IS A QUALITY KENYA HAS THAT IS PRICELESS ESPECIALLY AS YOU AGE....SO THINK OF YOUR NEEDS NOW AND THE FUTURE THEY WILL CHANGE!

I have read your comments carefully and I am truly grateful that you guys are sharing your experiences. It appears that everyone's experience is quite diverse and everyone's priorities are different. 

Clearly there are pros and cons of being in either country but.....

Sue, 

Thanks for taking the time to comment and I agree with your idea of staying and saving some money prior to going but the problem is given how much it takes to get a good career especially in academia here to get started in say 5 years you will have invested so much that it will only make sense to stay long term - see what I mean? I think thats my biggest dilemma because the longer you stay the easier it is to stay longer but then again as very well mention that their is no research support in Kenyan universities and peoples/university's attitudes are not very encouraging. Have you finished your degree or are you finishing? 

Naona mambo Kafika kizungumkuti. Maisha Katika Kenya na merika ni sambaba. Haijalishi utaishi wapi lakini ni thahiri kuwa utahitaji pesa na familia. Marafiki sio hoja. Kwangu Mie ni vyema kutafuta mapeni Hapa merikani kisha kujipanga upande Ike mwingine kwa uwekezaji ili siku itakayofika uyasikie maisha ya ugenini huyawezi tena itakuwa una Mali yako kule kwetu. Kwa uwekezaji nakushauru Kwanzia uwezapo ukingoja ya mwenyezi Huko kwingine. 

Great input from Kenyans. I moved here less than a year ago and I'm already feeling the huge social void 'relations' if you will. I got my bachelors degree in kenya and worked for a couple of years. I'm also lucky to be working in my profession here. Habida, whether to stay here or move back home is a huge call like fellow Kenyans have pointed out. You'll probably have to draw a chat of what you want now and in the future. What matters most to you? upward mobility, family, career, wealth etc. Have pro's and cons laid out and base your decision on that. Again you have to remember you don't have a job and/or spouse back home waiting for you, though the current growth trend is very promising.

I've had friends who've gone back home and ended up being torn in 2 worlds. Having spent huge chunks of their lives in the west pursuing good education and developing their careers (which they accomplished), at the expense of developing relations/family like you've stated.

My take, don't pause life. If you get lucky here job and/or spouse just settle down, you can always make Kenya your vacation destination every year. Try and enjoy the best of both worlds.

This is a very interesting discussion. I find myself thinking about this time and again.

The longer you stay here in America, the harder it is to go back home, but at the same time, I personally don"t see the point of going home with nothing.  Try and put your finances and investments together back home before making that move.

The other truth that I for sure know is aging/retirement in America is very hard.

A lot to consider before making that final decision....

13 years later, I'm still asking myself the same question. I completed my degree, got a job and got comfortable. Now I have nieces and nephews who do not know me. My family and I are pretty much strangers with completely different outlook on life. There are times I am terrified of going back. I visited 2 years ago and I reverse culture shock was no joke. Everyone somehow just looks at you and knows you have not been around or treat you like a foreigner. Then there is the pressure of family expectations - they ask for money like it was water.

I loved the family environment though. And the food was soo good. I am now making plans to go back.

The decision to go back is very individual. If you have your family's support, it is much easier. All the best with your decision.

Habiba,

I am an accomplished (Phd) long-term resident of the US and all along thought I would retire Stateside. But life has been difficult and isolating raising my kids as a single mom without much outside help.  I work high up in government and make a good salary with a decent 401K.  Recently I have come to the conclusion that retirement back in Kenya is probably the better option for me so that I can gain a sense of community, friendships and connection with my greater externded family back home -- all of which I do not have here.  Because I will be close to retirement in the intermediate term, I am now beginning to scope out investment possibilities and to work with close family members back home to help me consolidate resources I had back home, spruce them up and create an environment/and home I can go back to when I retire. I have children here and they are very open to spending time and traveling back and forth as I am. God willing and with good health this will be the best option for me because I do not see how I can build a better social and family support network here compared to Kenya.  I have some family here in the US but we hardly see each other  (and we are in the same city) because we are all busy in this rat-race.  I do not regret for one minute the life I have spent here and the connections I have here, my children here and some of the family on their father's side.  I received the best education I could get anywhere and even in my retirement will bring these technical skills back to Kenya and contribute to the economy, but,  I am lucky that I will do this moreorless at my own pace doing whatever I will choose to do because most of my working years have been established already -- I have paid my dues.  I am glad and I thank God that I have the opportunity to transition back to Kenya with the ability to use my professional experience here in the US to determine what is or is not a profitable venture.  I know I will have to relearn alot of the local business cultural practices but that is a risk I am willing to take, again, because my (economic) livelihood is pretty much already built.  If you can stay here and get professional experience, save up some money through retirement vehicles and other saving opportunities and start a family that would be just fine, but you will need many years to do this.  Definitely don't postpone romantic relationships and involvements -- that is part of your journey here.  As someone above mentioned, pay attention to your biological clock also. Then eventually retire back home.  Meanwhile keep up the visits to Kenya on a periodic basis. 

I stumbled on this as I am also asking the same question. Habiba, I am slightly in the same shoes and would like to know if you decided to stay or did you move back. All the responses and advise given were great.

man  idk y u have to think about this.really would u compare life in kenya to the states? u forget how hard life is in kenya, insecurity, wen i left i was like, never again. u have a great life here. dont be like the poor man who was invited to live with the king, and then one day decided to wear his tartered clothes just to see how he used to look like before.the king ended up sending him away. dont go to kenya.remember the 2007 violence. theres corruption, u cant sleep comfortably because of fear that pple will break in ur house.

ur over here eating nd living well,

 regression

moving backward -  in this phase of culture shock, you spend much of your time speaking your own language, watching videos from your home country, eating food from home. You may also notice that you are moving in social circles which are exclusively made up of people from your own background and you don't want to meet locals. You may spend most of this time complaining about the new country/culture and its strange and senseless ways. Also in the regression phase, you may only remember the good things about your home country which may suddenly seem marvellously wonderful; all the difficulties that you had there are forgotten and you may find yourself wondering why you ever left. You may now only remember your home country as a wonderful place in which nothing ever went wrong for you. Of course, this is not true, but an illusion created by your culture shock crisis.

Just found this while browsing the interwebs, what decision did you make?I have also faced the same predicament but after thinking very very carefully, here is my take.

I got my masters degree here in North America and worked with several fortune 500 companies and got the experience that I had always wanted.I was just about to settle here then i received a ray of light.

Home is best, east or west, the weather in Kenya is fantastic, the food great, the familiar people who mainly look like you, the opportunities and MOST importantly, family and friends.You will not live twice, you only live ONCE.You got your taste of the west now make an effort to go back home and be at peace.You will never be fully at peace in a foreign land no matter how much you make.Something will always be missing, besides, you can always visit America for short shopping trips or visits.Thats what the Chinese do.The US is just a second home

Assumptions

-You have the papers and are not an illegal

-You have saved kitu kidogo for rainy days

-You do not have kids like me or tied down because of something

Go home, this is your chance to be with family and life is not a rehearsal