My Struggle with Bipolar – A Personal Confession

The main thing with Bi-polar is being comply with the medication ,stress reduction and exercise. Its not easy .People do it.I know two Kenyans, one nigerian lady and my akataa friend who have issues ranging from Bi-polar to schizophrenia.Its normally a a tough pill to swallow when you realize you have no way of 100% controlling your brain.Its a sad place to be.Take heart and know that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.....I hope sharing your story will help other Kenyans who are dealing with this reality to cope and be empathetic to their fellow human being.......That girl on Nairobi Diaries Ella has Bi-polar her behaviour fits the psychosis.Hopefull K24 will style up and get her the necessary help instead of exploiting her...Anne Waiguru has a psychosis going on pia...she needs help not governorship...Take heart dear.Your strength will give others strength.

Ms. Regina,

I absolutely admire and respect your courage and willingness to "go public" with your condition. I will be the first one to testify that your articles and reasoning were intelligent and lucid; definitely NOT erratic or malicious. Going public with the condition and "seeking help" is the first step towards recovery and "getting ahead" of the story before ill-willed/intentioned people attempt to take advantage (of your misfortune); something they already did. The other thing that I glean from the piece is the presence of people around you who cared enough to tell you that something was not right with you. Keep that support network intact and be as honest with them as you can when you feel overwhelmed. The love and support of your true friends and family will be what is needed to counter the hate and ill-will of persons eager to malign and tear you down -- knowingly or otherwise. Lastly and not to get all religious, get back up and reconnect with God, YOUR God and no one else's. You are a brave woman and I wish you all the best in yet another phase of your journey called life and living.

Thank you for being so honest and sharing your journey with this illness. I was just wondering where you disappeared to. It's unfortunate that things have to take such a nasty turn sometimes before one can realize that something is truly wrong. I commend you for seeking help before it was too late. You were very lucky to escape with your life. Most people suffer because of lack of knowledge, or they are too proud to seek help. This is a conversation we need to have more and more as there is a lot of undiagnosed mental illness in our communities, some of which are genetic. Your story might help someone that might be suddenly living recklessly or grappling with a harsh diagnosis, but need not be enslaved by it. There is nothing to be scared of; if diagnosed with a mental illness, treat it like any other chronic disease, find yourself a good psychiatrist, stick to the treatment regimen, keep tabs/report any mood or personality changes and you will live a productive life. I pray that you will make a full recovery, live a full life, be an advocate for mental illness and even get reinstated to the bar.

Thanks Osiro, I-phoneg and Wawa for your kind words. Wawa, its not that bad. I am still licensed in New York and am still working productively as a lawyer. I will be seeking to have the suspension lifted in the next few months since my illness is under control with medication. I remain as prolific as ever, writing articles for publication and pursuing various intiatives. Osiro, it is true that many of us in the Diaspora celebrate when one of us is down. I am a living example. Alot has been said about me but mostly it has been because people did not know exactly what was wrong with me. That is why I came forward so that the truth come come from the horse's mouth. Those who are sending my public record information to the newspapers in Kenya are wasting their time because I am getting to know about it and my story in its entirety is not newsworthy or anything any normal person would want to celebrate.  In anycase, there is nothing that Iin my public record that is not already known.

All the same, I hope anyone feeling down or defeated because of an illness like mine, facing judgment and stigma and all that. will identify with my story and be strong. I wish to encourage such a person to embrace the inevitable and turn it into a strength and determination to succeed even more. Remember "once you have accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you". Bipolar is not a flaw but a medical condition. It is unfortunate that many people do not understand it and treat it as a 'flaw'.  

Cheers!

Regina, 

How are you? No, Perhaps I should say, How great are you? You have been on an amazing journey that I, in my own way yet very similar path, can relate to. It takes a great deal of self reflection and courage to come to terms which such a reality as you have and to deal with it squarely and resolutely as you have. 

My journey did have a DUI, during my prime years  which triggered immigration consequences and removal proceedings which I successfully challenged and overcome to 7 years later adjust status to permanent residency. In those 7 years, I was humbled to ground, having no means to earn a living, except a hand to mouth hustle, peppered with periods of homelessness.

Through it all, many friends quietly vanished from interacting, former drinking buddies, left me out of their circle, eventually I found myself with very few friends. This solitary period, it seems was what I needed, for I dove into reading deeply master biographies, self improvement and classics of philosophy and offcourse immigration law. In short, good stuff. 

It took me awhile to realize I was in the depths of a transformation that would carry me to great peace and mental well being and toughness that would eventually allow me to win my immigration case without legal representation. Thus working on myself, I began to see who I really was. The charm I would switch on when with ladies when drinking in the past, was not alcohol induced charm, like I thought, but a quiet charisma. Reflecting on my childhood, I recall how I would recoil at the attention I drew which in turn made me shy and more alluring, and so on. 

Why say this? Having subdued the alchohol, now I embrace my quiet, calm inner spirit and I use the quiet charisma to lead and mentor. What I thought was a flaw in which I always wondered why people were drawn to me, even as a kid, now I realize is my greatest gift..

While the critical seven years rendered me less social, and would have been the time I would have started a family, etc. II am happy and patient that I will sometime soon. The down side to working for myself is and remains the high expectations I have on others and myself. I am very very happy for you Regina. Truly inspired. Stay well.

Paul

Regina good courage.I assure you that mwene nyaga will protect u.I met u once in Delaware few

years back n I attended one of yr invitation there  u talked about immigration.I wish u all the best

mimi I relocated back to my motherland jamhuri thou  I visit usa often.Take heart n give all yr burdens to God

juu he controls over our lives.Sometimes we think our titles,money,careers or the country we leave at controls

our everyday life but sir God does.Ur a good wakili so keep the good steps.

@Regina - Thank you for wiring this courageous piece. I was worried at some point when rumours around  DC metro about  you behavior BUT this explains it all . Pole sana dada and I hope God will protect you and hope you will find a way to manage life through the condition . I wish you all the best . 

I do not know you or ever heard about you, but your story is the untold story of 80% Kenyans in Diaspora, only that life has not cauthgt up with them . I say 80% because whereas they may not suffer from Bipolar, they suffer from some behavior or spiritual condition they have no clue exists. We live in denial and sometime we nurse that denial by ridicuing others, because deep down we know that "by the grace of God, that would have been me or my child. 15 months, appears to be a long time, but I pray that you keep doing what you ae doing longer. MY unsolicited divice, "with your condition do not drink whatsoever. Grieve over your social drinkin experience, and move on. You will be OK.

Ms Regina, the beggining of your biopola healing starts here: the admission and acceptance. And I hope that all those who shoved you up and down will next time be cautious when they fail to note unusual behaviors from friends or their family members. As a former Swahili blogger (before Mwakilishi started rejecting all my lugha ya Taifa blogs like they were defecating his newspaper), I remember vividly how I used to calm you stinging temper tantrums, when almost everybody was throwing arrows, spears and darts, on your articles that I admired most. But I must say that I noted some unsual reaction (unforgiving anger, fury, threats, vengeace,  etc) towards those readers who made their comments, like they had personal vendetta against you. And I can remember advising you that every time you post a blog, you are always at the mercy of your consumers: readers. And when the saga concerning a poor woman I knew, whom you had assisted in settling down from I think Washington state, I at the back of my mind confirmed my worst fears: there was something wrong with Ms Regina. I think, like all Kenyans living in the US, the pressure of work, working doubles to make ends meet, the stress, fatigue, the bills etc can easily lead to this kind of illness. But take heart, God will take you through these healing process. I couldn't take those stress, unending fatigue, lack of enough sleep, bills and bills all the time, struggling to be perfect under the law...and am now home. Enjoying the kind of peace that I have never enjoyed for more than a decade and a half. All wil be well, Ms Regina. God bless.

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.  My life lessons have taught me that ego kills knowledge, knowledge requires learning, and learning requires humility, therefore I would not worry about adversarial people at all - they’re busy drowning in their own fault finding sea. The same people tend to be reactive instead of proactive to situations but quick to play victims of all circumstances.  They bring criticisms to the table rather than solutions. They are generally their own worst enemies who mostly lack humility and gratitude forgetting that the world has a way of giving all of us back the same hand we give others.  

Speaking of gratitude there is one great thing you did for me back in 07/08 and for that I truly appreciate it.  I am glad you are on the right path – the path to healing and victory!

Your candid expression is refreshing and informative. This is an eye-opening information for many people. One point I would like to add though, you being an attorney, it's most likely possible that there were some customers  you may not have served well obviously due to your condition. In which case I'm sure they will now understand the reason why they may had been dissatisfied by your legal representation. I hope at some point in your narrative you told them you are sorry. I'm glad you are doing fine both healthwise and careerwise. We will continue praying for your full recovery.

Pole sana.  I salute you for writing this article.  I wish you the best.

Thanks for sharing.  Mental disease has a stigma attached to it, especially in our culture.  Coming out takes a lot of courage and goodwill.  The beauty in your case is that you already know what the person in you is capable of...you still have it and now with an added qualification, mental health activist.  There is no reason you cannot overcome given that you have already taken the steps required.  Take care of yourself first, do not care what people think, afterall, everyone is fighting something at any given time.  All the best!

Something in me has always informed me that something happenened to you, Regina.  This is occassioned by the fact that you have been out of the print media or otherwise for a considerable time. My good thoughts were that  your dissappearance was caused by you leaping foot  into the Forbes family. Anyhow, am glad that you have accepted and have vowed to fight this health impedement unto the charismatic and beautiful you, Regina Njogu. You will be fine.

So, even the days when this lady was insulting people (some she had never met/did not know), she was sick? Ama it is a crutch. I think that a lesson in humility is/was much needed. And apologies to those she offended, who might be 'celebrating' her condition. I do not think they are celebrating but that you 'killed' their spirit. Instead of reaching out and making amends, she seeks to see how she can end their celebration. The real courage is in making amends with those who are 'supposedly' saying things about her. I personally wouldn't say a thing about the lady because I do not know her, period.

The USA is heavy on Diagnoses and prescriptions.  Some cooky dxs like Affluenza and Whistleblower syndrome are designed by the creative to escape consequences of their actions. And yes, even bipolar and others have been used to dodge the big stick of justice - Disability claims. My point being that in the US, there is a high chance of getting Dxed with something as soon as one starts acting irrationally. I digress.

Back to the illness: Yes, it can be healed. The one mistake we constantly make in life is to underestimate the power of the human body to correct itself. For one reason or the other, the brain can misfire, imbalances happen and after a while, it resets itself back. That is why the first treatments for behavioural mental illness is CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)...to retrain your brain to seeing things 'normally'. Drugs come in when CBT is not doing it alone, and at times as the only provable record in the courts of law. Help your body, listen to it, pay attention, you will not miss abit. Yesterday my love woke up to a dizziness and lightheadedness, telling me how he had forgottent to take his motion sickness disease. I noticed his dry skin earlier (was even shocked a doctor recommended a pill), I gave him a glass of water and asked him to sit dow for 5 minutes and to see what happens, and he was fine in less than 4. So people, even in mental illness, your body will tell you. If you feel sad, get out and do something, especially with friends (constructive ones), talk to family...Drop everything, hop on the plane and go see a loved one for a good time. Most of us think all the things we chase are very crucial, but they are useless once your body and the law says you are done.

Good luck to the lady. The pills may treat but your will to succeed will have the biggest impact. most importantly, dont go around owning the disease - my bipolar did that. Medicince is a practice.