“Who are you talking to?†She busted into the room unannounced. This was not to happen. Ever. Not when Mweru was on a Skype Call with his wife and children who were excited to “see†their father live from Kambakia, Meru. It is the seventh year since Mweru left his family to come stateside. He is yet to legitimize his stay.
Shiru and Mweru are two illegal love birds. Each has left a family back home to work in these United States. Once all is well, both families will eventually join them. But for now, wanasaidiana.
Mweru could not act fast enough to disconnect the Skpe call with his family. The one second it took for Shiru to be visible on the other end was enough for Mweru’s family to see their dad’s mpango wa kando.
“It’s not what you think!†Mweru tried to explain to his now exasperated wife and children. The wife did what anyone would do under such circumstances. She ended the call to avoid further embarrassing the father of her children.
You see, many men and women have left their families back in the homeland as they make ends meet wherever they have settled.
Working long hours abroad with a person of the opposite gender from your country is God sent. Someone said that familiarity breeds likeness. Before long, the time spent together, riding together to work, sharing funny and sometimes libidinous WhattsApp videos, move the friendship to another level.
Before long, the body being the body has its own demands. The two come to an amicable agreement. It will be strictly sexual; no string attached. Sisi ni watu wazima. They tell each other over some bottles of Corona Light.
And so begins weekly meetings ya kusaidiana. Members of the community gets to know the arrangement. But nobody says anything. Because it is widespread. Furthermore, who is so innocent as to be the first to throw the first stone? Right?
Sometimes word gets home that baba so and so is hitched to mama so and so. But what will the spouse left behind home do? None have the papers to visit in order to rant and rave at each other.
There are men who, after their families join them abroad end up being polygamous because the honey pot ended up being so sweet to let go. The Kenyan constitution allows for a man to have two pots. They tell themselves.
Look at you pointing a finger at those in that kind of arrangement. Back home, it is almost a normal practice for married couples to play hide and seek in matters bedroom. Reports are that when mama watoto discovers her husband is cheating on her, she gets her own chips funga. Kwani iko nini?
There you have it.
By Wa Kiuru | wa.kiuru@yahoo.com
Comments
" Sisi ni watu wazima. They
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" Sisi ni watu wazima. They tell each other over some bottles of Corona Light" - LMAO , you have made mu night LOL, especially after a long day :-)))))). Ha ha , I'm still laughing . Just visible enough for mama in Meru to see the Mpango wa Kando, maybe the Kampango wanted to be seen. Sometimes its good to read non- political stuff around here ..... keep up wa Kiuru
Utaharibi hii mameno ya
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Utaharibi hii mameno ya kusaidiana ukitangaza! Shhhhh
Bora hakuna watoi kwa mix
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Bora hakuna watoi kwa mix
I have heard that women are
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I have heard that women are more "worried" if the hubby forms emotional relationships,as opposed to sexual relationships.Given this backdrop,I guess,mama watoto nyumbani is more concerned with fear of being replaced,than of the hubby employing the latest Kama Sutra trick on someone else. On the other hand,Mr Kitambi,will now be worrying silly, if the Shamba boy,with the bod Adonis could envy, heard the un pleasant verbal intercourse...
And yes,"sisi watu wazima", we shall find a solution when cover is blow up.However un pleasant it may be sisi watu wazima we can handle it.
See @ Maxiley, the battle of
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See @ Maxiley, the battle of the sexes is not all that hard to decipher " sisi ni Watu Wazima" .Still I cannot "picture"older folks like my paro agemates who are here doing that kind of mpango wa Kandos. Now I wil start looking at "baba na nani", na "mama nani" differently when I pumbed into them in a mall or some get together. I will be keen to see if the cozying up is kuongea juu ya ka ploti and our watoto and spouses in Jamhuri or it is baba nani, telling mama nani sweet nothings ..... LOL
I assume that you include
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I assume that you include church in "some get together".Pay particular attention to coded words like- sister Maggie, sauti nyoro roro maka hiyo inatakikana kwa choer kusifu mungu- translation, you are so cute,cant wait for our clandestine rendevous...
Its a fact that mama
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Its a fact that mama watoto/bibi also gets some jamhuriside only that its very much hush hush on the DL lest she affects the flow of remittances in case baba finds out.
Shida, in that case the man
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Shida, in that case the man ends up double loser.Another man is entertaining madam,as well as spending the remittence.Separation can be costly indeed.
What other options are
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What other options are there? Here the community will definitely know coz people are very busy and its hard kujificha all over (and now nyumbani pia-Wa-kiuru has spilt the beans).
Mama nyumbani on the other hand ana mahitaji so tu save you face nyumbani she will go a few villages/communities/neighborhoods away and will also make it clear to back-up jogoo he aint gonna mess with the $$$ kutoka majuu so its her way or 0....which jogoo will turn this down.
Hii sio shida wala Balaa! Ni maisha tu.
....depends, its not about
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....depends, its not about the money if its a close relative anakushikilia boma.
Acutally I was thinking of
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Acutally I was thinking of the Shambaboy getting promoted to do more "house" work in the bedroom. In that way you are paying him . Basically killing two birds with one stone-paywise. But its usually easy to find out if shamba boy has been promoted.What you do is suggest that the shambaboy should be let go to save money. If you see madame suggesting that she would rather you fire the maid,you know something is "kisamaki"-fishy.
Doubled up in stitches!! Life
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Doubled up in stitches!! Life na morals, no matter how well intended sometimes don't mix! Throw the first stone?! No baba, can definately relate na hio scenario!! I must say, it's a moral dilemma more common than we care to admit! All in the name of seeking greener pastures! (Wink, wink!..)
Sukari, you are laughing!
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Sukari, you are laughing! this is serious stuff. Families get destroyed. Getting caught is no laughing matter to the parties involved.Whether they should have known better is another story.
Now you how do we curb down this behavior? I take it that it's not condoned,but then if community it acquiescing to it may be is should just be left alone. Big question would you like to be informed of the wayward behaviour of your spouce?I mean "you" in a generic sense.
Maxiley, I apologise if I
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Maxiley, I apologise if I offended, lakini that was not the point. I feel Kenyans are making strides in saying it as it is as opposed to sweeping things under the carpet.I applaud this spirit of honesty, as this is the only way we can overcome/tacke any challenge. These things happen, irrespective of our moral standing. Demonising them in my view, only drives the issues underground. It's just life. Of course, no one would not like to catch their spouse in the act as you say, but then again, one would hope that the partner would have the balls of coming clean if this happened than to insult one's intelligent by making up some half baked story. I am a firm believer that what happens in the dark always comes to light...eventually, and in this case, it may well be in the form of some children or even worse, disease. Of course, it is no laughing matter in the face of it, lakini life ni life and I would hope the so called spouse/partner would be educated enough to protect his/her "assets". I mean assets in every sense of the word....... nether region ......etc. Of course ideally, one would hope for a zero grazing partner, lakini we know such species are a rare and far in between. Need I say more?!.
Got you.
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Got you.
Well written piece. Read it 2
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Well written piece. Read it 2 times so I could laugh again. Laughter does good like medicine the Bible says.
This happens among church folks too. It's about time that we start writing about the unspoken Diaspora issues.
Unless someone is completely naive, there is no way one is not in a "Sisi ni watu wazima" relationship when a
significant other is away for months on end.
Wakiuru, you sound like
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Wakiuru, you sound like participant in the 'kusaidiana' industry. At least it keeps people insane to work like donkeys and support mama or baba watoto back home. Everyone benefits from the liaison including the kids who need school fees paid.
Hiyo need hi karma kusikia kujikuna. You cannot ignore it for too long.
LOL "Kama kujikuna kuna
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LOL "Kama kujikuna kuna LOL..... in all seriousness ,when we start speaking about such taboo issues as someone mentioned, the more we shall be better healthier Diaspora community. I think these kind of social issues happening around Diaspora should be let out in the open . I think for once folks who see Diasporans as Aliens may start to fully see the big picture beyond the remittances. Folks are human with the same human needs , problems, challenges just like everyone else.
Better kusaidiana than
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Better kusaidiana than kujisaidia na wazee nursing home...astafrulah!
Hiyo ni BALAA!!
Down the road watoto wa
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Down the road watoto wa kusaidiana pop up.
It sounds natural but there
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It sounds natural but there is a spiritual driver to it. The root cause of the desire to look for people to "kusaidiana" exposed
Namuokoke muwache hiya kusaidiana. Wacheni Mungu awasaidie kwa jia zake
Wengine wetu wakati
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Wengine wetu wakati mwingine tuko 'shida' kidogo na ni vizuri kusaidiana. Infact nitatafuta website ya exclusively wakenya "wanaosaidiana"...tusiposaidiana hamna mwingine atatusaidia!
Niweke administrator wa
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Niweke administrator wa Website , si ndio.. I have been advocating for a dating website /kusaidiana quality website for ages, maybe now I will put this into action. I see there many singletons out here who needs usaidizi.... Saidia, we should link up but this has to be a quality anon website, no shenanigans and EXCLUSIVELY diaspora for Diasporans ...... I asked Mwakilishi to do so ,but fell to deaf years. I will saidia Kenyans free of charge ......:-)
Ahsanta...Hamna mwanamke
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Ahsanta...Hamna mwanamke duniania hii mzuri kama mkenya(mimi ni mkenya)! I would like to meet a bigger dating pool than Kanisa na Kazini....we will blacklist the whisteblower Wa Kiuru!!!!
I will code the home -page ya
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I will code the home -page ya kusaidiwa bure. free of charge because kusaidiwa na kusaidiana ni community service.
...na kama haman website
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...na kama haman website tayari ...nitatengeneza na huyu Whistleblower Wa Kiuru hatakaribishwa!!!!!!
If Mweru wants to salvage
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If Mweru wants to salvage his marriage,or the situation,I have some suggestion for him.But if its too late,may be someone else will benefit. First I have to make afew assumptions-1. Madam does not know how many rooms he has 2.He has married friends that madam might know 3.Meru was not naked.4. He did not tell madam that he is a lone in the house.5. Mweru has been married for ove 10yrs.6.that you go to church.
Now the plan: Give madam 4 days to cool down. Most likely she will call you before then for reassurance.When you pick up the phone, act like nothing happened.Eventually she will broach the issue. What you should say-: Your outbust was outragious.Just because Iam here without you does not mean I have mpango wa kando. I take my marriage vows very seriously. I cannot jeopadise my may marriage for mpango wa kando like other stupid men do.I have not time for that. In fact even if I wanted to time would not permit me.I have to work many hour to save for your coming,and watotos school fees.-That woman you saw was sister Mary ,wife of Paster Mwangi,from Alaska.The church asked me if I could house them since their conference venue is close to my house.I gave them watoto's room which has been furneshed,ready,and waiting for your arrival,which hopefully will be soon.If you notice that she it taking the bait, dont rub it in. Change the subject.And if she still wants more talk on the issue, continue lying.That is unless you have been caught with your pants down before...
Maxiley - Are you sure you
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Maxiley - Are you sure you have not done this before? **tsk** That plan/description /imagination is too real, wewe wacha, if its all imagination, we need to create a script for a made for TV drama . It would make better TV than that one that appeared here once upon a tyme:-)
:) too timid for that. Just
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:) too timid for that. Just the thought of being caught freezes me.
@maxiley, form an online
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@maxiley, form an online class for people in kusaidiwa na kusaidiana program. That sounds like kusaidiwa 201.......hahaha
Kenya, i take it that you
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Kenya, i take it that you successfully completed 101.I need a program director. I have faith in Formerly guest 2. IF you can convince her to be one, iam game
@maxiley, I was kicked out
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@maxiley, I was kicked out of the program for getting poor grades. I got all D's and the highest was a weak C.
Kenya, thanks for your
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Kenya, thanks for your honesty.It only serves you better in the long run. My educated advise to you based on your not so encouraging class work,is that you are a poor candidate for - mipango ya kando- affairs.You will be exposed/caught,right away.This is not necessarily bad.But to make that determination I will need more information, such as, religion if any,if male,female(my guess is you are male),or hemophrodite,how important is sex to you on the scale of 1-20. Are you married,or plan to,would you use viagra if the flag is half mast on the pole..etc.
Anyway, there is always room for improvement.You can repeat the class under my tutelage,and a good grade is quaranted.Not bragging,but my reputation for success is widely known,and respected.
Remember,since you are apoor candidate, scoring an A in my class will only mean that you are as good as the "naturals",and to maintenince and to be a member of this "natural club", unfortunately you have to maintain countinuous learning education classes.Otherwise you stand to make a faux pas,especially after you have just acquired your first 10 million from hard work.And you know what that means,especially if madam is still young.
Umenichekesha sana Dr.
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Umenichekesha sana Dr. Maxiley.
@maxiley, theory is easy but
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@maxiley, theory is easy but to get a pass in practical part will need a secret services & a get away car incase noma ikitokea you be safe...........you will need to lower the pass grade because of the risk involved.
We choose money over our
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We choose money over our families so hii kusaindiana is bullshit.Yes i understand u needed to work sending money to support yr family back home but if u see utakosea pack yr stuff n leave either to yr husband or wife.To me family comes first than money.N if u see somebody sleeping around just know he/ she used to do the same in jamhuri(kuhanyahanya umalaya yote pamoja on the side)How do pple survive years in this west countries without seeing especially yr kids??? Ndio utafute f....money.I always say 5 yrs at most u can work then be disciplined n get back to yr country to yr family n kids.but most of us lack planning so hio 5 yrs inaisha tu n u will keeping eating wamamas then ukute yr kids wamemalizia high sch or urniversity n u will never have a say to them mpaka ukufe.Otherwise couples should b more committed to b together otherwise we will b like Americans or British who don't value family.
its not that simple- kitambo
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its not that simple- kitambo umesomeshana (not yours only), umejenga, na ukopoa kurudi depends on each persons mzigo. Wengine even unfortunately get a family member needing serious medical attention and that can be very costly. Not everybody has a 5yr plan however much they would like to. I am not saying this your case but if someone came stateside relatively young (teenager) you will not fully comprehend some peoples situations.
Shida I understand wat u just
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Shida I understand wat u just mentioned but remember ur not the saviour to try n save everybody
when ur kids/husband/wife hav not seen u for years.The problem with us in diaspora is that huwatunabeba mizigo
zawatuwengine n that's why we will continue playing balls with them.Unfortunately if
somebody is sick u have to help but don't show them that u can do it all by yourself otherwise u will become
their bank.Nhif charges btw 500-1000 monthly incase somebody get sick u can b admitted then utalipa kidogo when released so let them work n get monthly insurance to pay incase one is sick they r covered.
But put yr kids first then anybody else last.All I know is 5 yr plan if ur just working is enough to stay away from yr family n get
back but ukunjiwekelea expe life then say bye bye to yr kids for good.Money is good but it's not everything.Kutosheka
iko inside yr heart.i know dame who left his kid for 11 yrs n all she did in USA ni kazi tu nakuhanywa,when she decided to go
back to bring his kid the kido never talked to her for 2 months n the kid said his grandmother is the
mother he knows.She went back to states today as we speak anakuwanga mental/rehab juu she got messed up juu ya their
empty relationship with his kido.So play yr games n know life is wat u make it n it will come to bite u if u mis to plan n remember all this money we work hard to get utaiiacha tu one day so invest in to ur family.
True. Maisha is really tough
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True. Maisha is really tough for some...
Mkenya halisi, I whole
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Mkenya halisi, I whole heartedly agree with you. In fact, I feel everyone's comments are valid, lakini what I have learnt from this diaporan rat race is that we set out with good and well placed intentions. Lakini mother life has a way of dishing and shaping and twisting our destiny, more often way out of what we had set out to do. So a five year plan may be ideal, lakini life happens baba. I remember the first time abroad, a young and ambitious young something. I would stare and marvel at the elderly Jamaicans and swear that I would never be one of them. I consoled myself that I would work and pave my way back home. Lakini work became just that, then uni and a host of other things including suppporting those at home. To cut a long story short, I can now see how those Jamaican became pensioners here. The west is cut out to imprison folks in a cycle of work, work, work, pay, pay, pay.... sounds like the chick you describe got caught up in this vicious cycle and unfortunately severed the attachment with her child. Sad. Lakini she did what she could and one day this child may see it her from her mother's side of things. Maisha mafupi, so we should make the best out if it as long as we don't intentionally set out to hurt anyone. As one taarabu song goes: Nipe nikupe mapenzi, mapenzi ya kiungwana, nipe nikupe mapenzi, mapenzi ya kiungwana.........fafanua mwanyewe in other words, it is what it is, jipange with what works for you and your personal circs. One size definately does not fit all, I say!
@Sukari -I concur "One size
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@Sukari -I concur "One size does not fit all"!!! Very True
@Mkenya Halisi -My last train of thought... why do kenyans still go to the Middleeast despite the horrific stories that we hear! Many hurudi sandukuni. There must be some serious desperation to make someone want to go to a middleastern country to work. Stay with here I have a very serious point...Such a person given the opportunity to come stateside will not have a "5 yr Plan" if they willing to risk being treated like are dog, being raped and flung from buildings. Many times it may not be forsaking family for $$$ but Mzigo Mzito kabisa Boss! Thats why I do not condone nor condemn Kusaidiana.
I agree with Sukari analysis,
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I agree with Sukari analysis, we all go through life with plans , no one is planless otherwise one would not bother to leave their own home , to a strange land. So in a nutshell even in Kenya, everyone has a plan and a dream, now do most of the dreams /plan come to fruition , for some yes, for others no, .Life is unpredictable, and it is not unique in USA ,UK or anywhere else. What Mhalisi is forgeting is, even in that Kenya, there are a million of people who set out with a plan but not eveyr plan pans out. No one would not want what is best but life happens. So you if God gives you lemons , made lemonade hata kusaidiana is a lemonade flavor :-)
Why dont you agree with my
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Why dont you agree with my analysis?...Nisaidie hapa. Some people have a "Kuende vila kutaenda plan/whatever happens happens" others have a "Mungu yuko plan" thats my point. Usually people that may have somewhat of a support system left jahuri are the one's that can have a definite "5 yr plan" that may be slightly modified along the way.
Umenena money is not
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Umenena money is not everything.We should always put people first and by this I mean family spouse and children and then other family members.People in the diaspora have a false sense of affluence just by bieng here.Always remember life is truly short.
This is like beating a dead
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This is like beating a dead horse...I think @Mkenya Halisi gets me now...I will give you @Jane kamau another way to look at this; you are definitely aware of how young girls get unwanted pregnancies here right; some are forced to give up the baby because they cannot afford to raise the baby and they want a better life for the baby. They LOVE the baby but have no choice but to give the baby up. This is a very painful and heartbreaking process. Some mothers never recover. I picture many immigrants stories are akin to this situation. Nuff said.
Mimi nimekuja kusoma
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Mimi nimekuja kusoma comments...otherwise watu ni wazima hawa...
The reason why this is so
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The reason why this is so funny to many is because its what's going on in the real life. Mujikuno iko tere but the solution suggested here by the majority is Not very manageable. Kwa mfano, if you are a pastor,how do you keep from detection from your church members? On the case of regural joes, how do you avoid string from attaching? My friend tried it and failed miserably after accidentally falling in love with mtu Wa kusaidiana. May be men can do it but women I doubt it. Now this make me think about a Kenyan lady who returned to Kenya to start a sex toy business. Now I can say afadhali hiyo ama watu wakunywe madawa ya kutame hiyo area. Those meds will be opposite of Viagra. We need to talk to Pope Francis I think he has prescription for watu Wa kusaidiana. Lastly but not least, wewe baba mtoto na mama mtoto,ukipata ukimwi mujikuno itaisha. You'll be fighting for your life instead.
..........and in other news,
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..........and in other news, aKenyan man/ woman was found dead/ murdered coz of a love triangle.........blah! blah! blah!
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