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A Kenyan couple was found dead of apparent murder-suicide in their Jersey City, New Jersey home on Monday morning.
Authorities say Lydiah Okongo, 40, was shot multiple times in the head and torso. She was found on the first floor of their house, located at 2 Mina Drive in Jersey City. Her husband, Henry Okongo, 51, was found dead in the basement of a single gunshot wound to the head.
Police say they recovered a gun near Henry’s body, and believe he shot his wife several times and killed her before shooting himself in the head.
Lydiah and Henry were both pronounced dead at the scene.
The couple’s tow children, a 3-year-old boy and a 1-year-old girl were inside the house when the incidents happened and were found unharmed.
Henry moved to the United States nearly 20 years ago and operated a laundromat in the city while Lydiah worked as a nurse.
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You must be in everyones bedroom to witness this? Stop it. Don't blame the victim.How come we haven't heard a woman shoot a husband? Call it what it is, spousal abuse period! RIP.
Exactly. It's Spousal Abuse: Male nurses PHYSICALLY abusing their Wives; and Female nurses EMOTIONALLY abusing their Husbands. And NB: Emotional abuse by Female nurses is more Prevalent than their Male conterparts' Physical abuse.
What and who and how did Steve McNair die?
Wacha hivyo mind game power play
It could be Power play between Husband (Head-of-Household) and Wife (Wangu-wa-Makeri); if you know some Gikuyu history.
sorry
These killings of spouses is happening with alarming frequency.It appears that just about every year at least two diaspora Kenyans are involved in a grisly confrontation that results in one or two deaths.And majority appear to come from domestic disputes.
If Iam not wrong, there was a conference in diaspora to attempt to mitigate these situations.Apparently not much came from that conference since the statistics still hold steady.
By the way,the proclivity to commit such heinous acts is in all human beings.As always, it gets awful when it hits close to home.
So often when I read these domestic crimes,involving couple,I sound my clarion;"why not just walk away,and start all over...That is if you love yourself"Why put your life in the hands of some"stanger" called spouse,or lover.
Strange world indeed.May their tormented souls rest in peace.
Yeah, just walk away. Am a survivor and walking away was/is the most brave thing I ever done. Lost everything except kids and me.
WALK AWAY WALK AWAY WALK AWAY.
How sad. Children will be left alone. The man must be bitter because he probably brought the wife to US,educated her and after she acquired knowledge,she began to belittle that man who knows only about laundering clothes.
This is very true.. the guy should have worked day and night to just educate the wife and provide food for the family .. Soon the wife became a nurse he felt like she doesn’t need no help and she wanted divorce ..
Here we go again! Blaming the woman without facts. Im sure if roles were reversed youd still find a way to blame the woman. Truth is men have become emotionally unstable and have control issues.
Kiki, that's one out of many other possibilities, who's to say what the true dynamic was. I will not challenge you, but placing this on the lady being educated by the husband to me is a very small chance of it being true.
None of of us are privy to the circumstances that led to such a tragedy. Whichever way we dice it, I feel for both families who are left with nothing but questions and grief. The kids who witnessed such a heinous crime, may they be minimally affected and find ways to grow with some sort of normalcy.
To the couples who are having a hard time right now, reach out - no one deserves to live in a miserable marriage.
I am very very saddened by what happened - it never has to happen.
@Maxilley,Yes we did try. I brought the Mental Health proposition if any one recalls however it was killed by the Kenyan 2020 vision. The focus for 2020 vision was just wealth and investments. No one supported my doctoral work looking at immigrant and onset of mental health crisis. In whichever angle anyone looks at the immigrants Family, Poverty or rather opportunities brought us western civilizations. We have no avenue to ventilate our anger, frustrations and success and other social stressors that we encounter. If most of you recall, a young female student that was brought from Germany was hammered directly to the skull by Kenyan Boyfriend, An engineering student decided to eat his room mate, a couple violently shot each other in N jersey, not to mention alcohol and other criminal cases not published on papers etc., this are not normal behaviors and I have been keenly been studying Kenyans in diaspora and following this violence patterns State by State. Because its a longitudinal study It will take 7-10 years for me to publish my results. We have to accept there is underlying Mental stressors and adaptation psychological issues that have influenced some violence, depression and many other psychopathology. Some Kenyan kids are without fathers, older females without husbands, sex is no longer an instrument for enjoyment but bait for ransom. I will publish my tweeter and face book page for anyone to provide me with any news feed for this kind of issues, Unless we have data we can not understand and fix the issues we are currently experiencing.
@Daktari, i am curious to read your report. What is your twitter handle?
Dactari, I commend your work.And I wish you all the success.
Not too long ago I said on this forum that my religion SCIENCE does not rely on blind faith.When someone commits a heinous act like this one mentioned here, SCIENCE tries to figure out ,why,and how,and if there is an underlying fault in the genotype. Eventually we will figure out these conundums.And hopefully tweak here and there to remedy the problem.
As you know, people are now paying alot more attention to mental health than before.Especially after the high school shootings in Florida afew days ago.Certainly someone who commits such a crime has a mental issue at the time of committing ...I highly doubt that a normal person would brutally kill another human being...
Maxiley. Christian Faith says: "Husbands LOVE your Wives and Wives RESPECT your Wives". But Sherri in Houston (for 10 years) wanted it Vise-Versa (for Gilbert to Respect her and her to Love Gilbert). A "Hypocrite and Confused Christian" monied Nurse of a Wife (Gilbert Masitsa had right there). Lord Have Mercy!!!
@guest1.so the good book does not admonish women to love their husbands-but to respect them.And husbands not to respect their wives but love them?why this interplay of words.to me it makes sense for both to love and respect each other.dont you?
Anyway what happened is tragic.iwould have to assume they loved each other despite what happened.and yes iam mindful that people marry for various reasons least of which is love.Hopefully nt religion science will solve the mystery of why people kill those they claim to love,just like it has solved many human problems.till then,chose your partner wisely,take time and hope for the best.
@guest1.so the good book does not admonish women to love their husbands-but to respect them.And husbands not to respect their wives but love them?why this interplay of words.to me it makes sense for both to love and respect each other.dont you?
Anyway what happened is tragic.iwould have to assume they loved each other despite what happened.and yes iam mindful that people marry for various reasons least of which is love.Hopefully nt religion science will solve the mystery of why people kill those they claim to love,just like it has solved many human problems.till then,chose your partner wisely,take time and hope for the best.
@Maxiley. From Human Nature and Experience: Anything CONTRARY to Love by man (to a Woman) and Respect from Woman (to Man) is Elongated VANITY (Unless the parties are Sissies and Tomboys or Gays and Lesbians). Right?
Doc, I am very interested in your work. Just yesterday I was involved in this very debate about possible trauma experience during immigration and the subsequent behavior resulting from possible mental health problems. What is your twitter handle or facebook page. Do you have any published work that can be shared? My colleague is actually working on this very issue- immigration and domestic violence. We truly need to be educated. This story breaks my heart because I too walked away from domestic violence.
@daktari I am intrigued with the details and would be willing to have some inputs of my personal story....
There is legitimate responses and I have been a kin to every response all contributors have... but as my name appears it suggest a lot... the fear of rejection and bring outcasted just because you are devorced is something I deal with .... it is heartbreaking! on and on I witness our Kenyan sisters and some brothers go through painful relations and choose to stay for fear of separating and being labeled .....
Iam in a Bible Belt city and only I can tell you today's church pple lol soonest they figure out no spouse accompanies you .... there is less invites and the fee you get to conversations will be focused on you and how hard and sorry they are for you......
From a very far I can see reasons couples fight through but in many it ends tragically and for that reason I continue to whole heartedly be an outcast amongst my Kenyan people in diaspora...
Very sad. Perhaps Kenyan christians should review what it means to be a Christian if they are going by the good old bible. As soon as we lay down hypocrisy and judgement we will be a better people. By the way these killings are NOT only isolated among diasporans, they are increasingly happening in Kenya now.
Absolutely @mugikuyu... am a victim and a witness of domestic issues... I walked empty handed to a shelter with my 2 yr ... the road seemed longer and pressure from nyumbani at u are embarrassing familia/ families is what I kept hearing. I followed my inner gut... I new being safe was better but God Jesus I can say the trauma of rejection from your own pple. ( Kenyans majority are really a force to reckon with) even pple i did not know... when they see you unasikia ati are you xyz.
But what peaces me off... majority ya wakenya Wa diaspora are saved. I beg you oooh usiniombee mimi. It's like we are in Soddom an gomora...
@ Outcast I feel you. Though I don't face such issues, I am one of those that is not beholden to finding a fit within the Kenyan diaspora, and especially among the bible thumping ones, and I am content knowing a few, but highly reliable people of all races and cultures.
@Anos... thnxs.
What I can genuinely say with my own personal experience. You have to be very bold in these diaspora to make a move...(devorce) when it even touches on custody battle.... laws we did not know in our motherland.. some pple I know have gone back together because woooio schedule za mtoto akae hapa Leo na kesho huko.
( me I have l have persevered slot of outcast, being looked down gossiped and all the buggage. Depressed I was.. coz I would bump into ms j and say oooo sikukuona at our best friend's place for the party ... am like I wasn't invited...can I admit but u diaspora bro/ sis can u relate even to what am saying.. you were never left out b4 and now hakuna mtu anakumbuka u exist.
The rest is history ndefu but I have come out very victorious. Bro/sis if I have made it in these diaspora, walk out peacefully, don't fight over nyumba, pesa, RRSP or all the material staff. Start from zero. Stay focused.. determined. Try do what I did ... use the (F) once in your lifetime.... f everyone I don't need you, I have hands, feet, heart and a brain . I will pull through hata kama ni doubles or triples.
And plse I was not a nurse ; let's not be akin on that.
Short story after the end I have raised a brilliant young dtr who knows I love her to the moon and back and every little thing Btwn . Walk away and be focused! Don't rush to make friends take your time. Don't let pple walk away because you are just talking if you you you!
Tragedy is bad but a teaching tool and reminder no human can love you move than God loves you.
Only God can make you happy
Friends come and go ... but your creator was nailed just because of you.
Seek the kingdom of God first and all your desires/needs will be met
I have been advocating this mental heath issue for a while now due to my own personal egregious experience in the matter. While I an in no way an expert in the issue, My personal experience drove me to undertake extensive research on the issue including talking to mental health professions (don't judge me!). Most if not all of these issues can be traced back to childhood where one parent was "cruel" or absent (possibly a drunkard). The other parent tried to over-compensate towards the child. This in essence denied the child an opportunity to cultivate his/her own identity due to the conflicting treatment by each respective parent. The result was the failure to develop empathic traits and all that they learned or retained was selfishness with is inherent in all children. They develop and master this skill into adulthood. These individuals lack the capacity to see another's point of view. psychologist refer to this as NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). This is a fixed personality disorder. i.e. the individual cannot change or be cured...ever! The only recourse for such an individual's spouse is to leave the marriage. The repeated traumatic experiences this individual witness (most cases in the medical profession) goes to further exacerbate these childhood emotional woulds. The resulting reaction is to create the perfect storm of anger, bitterness, abuse(emotional, phycological, financial and in some instances physical), manipulation and isolation. The innocent spouse is left trying to "convince" the narcissistic viper that all is well and he/she will change. This takes an emotional toil on the "normal spouse" as this endeavor is the equivalent of milking a stone The confused spouse is 24/7 on flight or fight mode.The abuse is also done so covertly in the homes that most people cannot understand it due to the false personas these abusers create for the public eye. The thought of leaving the marriage is the difficult choice due to children, entangled finances/properties , African view on divorce etc.This is the unfortunate reality of the many Kenyan homes in Diaspora!
sad
@Maxiley:
I have been sending my posts in American papers arguing strongly for the second amendment to the US Constitution be abolished based on the current figures about ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder among the American people.
Dr. Daniel Gregory Amen an American medical doctor and a psychiatrist points out that about 17 million Americans have this disorder. I believe very strongly that anyone with this disorder should not be allowed to own a gun.
In addition, 5.7 million Americans have Bipolar Disorder. I also believe that they should not be allowed to buy or keep a gun in their homes. We don't yet know the mental challenges that our brother and sister from Kenya had.
I am deeply concerned about the welfare of the children that they left behind. These tragedies are likely to happen a lot in the USA especially when people isolate themselves and "mind their own business."
@imara I agree 💯 but as my name suggested I was outcasted for my own sane bedroom descions and I look at former so called friends🙏🏼Gossip you left coz umekua nurse ... I left am not a nurse but solely educating myself today .... we are in the land of opportunities and I have chosen happiness and zero stress.
Getting rid of the 2nd amendment is impossible. firstly it has $$$ implications all over it. Secondly, to create, change or remove an amendment is the hardest thing... requires two thirds or more of both houses of congress. So... gotta look at other ways of solving this guns problem which seems unique to the US alone... other parts of the word do have their fair share of mental disorders... without the gun connection
Exactly @ deno. Amendments can't even be tweaked in this partisan environment and now activists are turning to States for changes and thats what Florida is attempting to do. For Kenyans we have to start educating each other about the hardships faced and perhaps if the @daktari doing the research can then share or intentionally make available his study when completed, that would help the community. In addition when Kenyans gather they should stop talking or limit bible talk and talk more about challenges. Just a thought.
@Mugikuyu. That is a good thought - limiting the bible talk. Many meetings spend 3/4 of their time reading, preaching and singing, then eating, then it time to leave. No time to address little issues that later morph into bigger issues...Staying home makes more sense to me.
@Anos - Sounds like you are promoting atheism here. Just because you have little faith or no faith in Christianity does not mean Christianity is bad. If you had a choice today, would you choose a world full of Christians or world full of atheist? What you believe in depends on a lot of things...morals,access to a certain way of living(living style) etc. Just because some ppl are hypocrites,that does not make Christianity bad. How about if a non christian kills another,are we going to blame the killer for being an atheist. That spirituality that gets into each one of us directs us to know or differentiate between good and bad, right or wrong. If you think I am right or wrong or that you are right or wrong, you are right.
RIP UNCLE.our creator is the reason for every season.
Am a few years old this Country system one need understabd it well..bills investment and child upbringing hizi vitu ndogo ndogo grow up to be Monster how do you share..bills who sacrifices ndio mwingine aende shule na akimaliza will he or she reciprocate..kubuy Nyumba gari...etc mtoto au watoto from day 0 to 13years..require alot of parenral presence which limits income..hapo ndio Sacrifice inacome. Na if as partiners you are not reading from same page...Stress zinaingia adrenal kicks be4 you know it...an article iko mwakilishi..GOD MADE MAN MAN MADE MONEY MONEY MADE MAN MAD..I pray for good health...pesa ile kidogo nitafanikiwa nashukuru..watoto wapewe oppotunity wasome..pesa ni Karatasi tu na figures..though we need it..trade it wisely let it not control our mind, emotions and thinking.
Preach on Romeo, been saying that to most of my friends, chasing $$ ndio watu wanunue ploti in syokimau and be like their neighbors, inaleta shida zaa zingine. There are a lot of family values lost in that translation. There are sacrifices for those of us who have not afforded mansions( depending on what one calls a mansion) , parenting and being there to give watoto good foundation, and getting content with my little backyard and 1/4 acre :-). In the end, my mantra; happiness,contentment and good emotional and health balance is my first priority in this life ....
Pole sana kwa Familia close friends may our good Lord give us all strenght to overcome the temporary world challenges sisi zote ni wapita njia.
Indeed sad moments for the families. @Daktari and @Maxilley sentiments are very encouraging.
It is very sad on the murder suicide issue. Unfortunately some evil women once they are educated, wana dharau bwana ya nyumba. I pass my condolences to the family members of both the wife and the husband.
First my
condolences goes to the family of the victims.
Please don't blame the lady. Ask yourself...why is the guy 51 years and has a 3year and a 1 and a half Year old? Don't you think something is wrong somewhere. Just my though.
Nothing wrong there. You can marry at whatever age. If what you say makes sense, don't you think something is wrong with a 40 year woman having a 3 yr and 1 yr? Let's not mix oranges and lemons in issues like this.It's bad what happened, my condolences. We cannot blame anybody at this time. Who do you blame? Nobody was around to tell us what exactly happened. We are only running on speculations of who did what or who started what....Lets pray that these kind of events would not happen at all.
idont.see anything wrong with.being 51 with3 or 8 kids.please enlighten me.you.i.comply that the lady should not have had kids with the 51 yr old man...so she made a bad choice...
Sad indeed. The real victims are the children.....so young and innocent.
Stay away from toxic friends especially you females, separate your married life from your toxic friends wako wengi even in your family be careful what you say people are nuts. That's all
As it is, money is the root of all evil. No matter how much money a woman is earning, the man or husband should always be the head of the house. Let's not adore money more than the families.love and respect your husband and kids same with the husband, love and respect your wife and kids. Anywhere with love, respect and God fearing there's a good connection and happiness. Seek God first and the rest shall follow.
Money is not evil, it's the love of money that is evil.
I hope the kids will find a good home with loving guardians and not end up in foster care. For the family of the victims, poleni sana.
Nation has more details and the image of the couple. They look so jovial in the picture.
https://www.nation.co.ke/news/Kenyan-couple-found-dead-in-New-Jersey/10…
It is always good to get free time to socialize with friends who you can trust and share some of the problems that you might have. It helps a lot. It does not have to be Kenyans but friends who you can upload some of your problems. Some people works madoubles and they do not have social life. You might think your problems ndizo mingi sana but when you share with others you realize ni kidogo sana and some other people have gone through it. There are so many married people wenye the hubby has his own bedroom & wife her own bedroom. But you might think oh you are the only one.
Condolences to the family. This tragic events elicit questions why? why? why? speculation has its place but not on matters of life and death. There are many reactionary questions we can ask; but whose answers will not heal the wounded souls. When tragedy befalls a community, ask the question " what has this tragedy taught me as an individual". Instead of all the self fulfilling prophecies of what may or may not have happened, do a deep soul searching of our own and give alternative lifestyles a chance.
Marriage is under siege. Love begins with a smile, sex then ends with a tear! How should people die and what is good death?
Dominic, marriage is not under siege. I firmly believe that there are some individuals who should not marry.Marriage is not for every one.Yes you could still have kids,and companionship as seen often.Just like there are some drivers who should not drive though they have cars,and licenses.It would be agood idea if marriage license could be renewed as well...
Very sad indeed. I hope the kids find a loving home.
Unfortunately, in America this is reading from the known facts, it would be a perfect storm to create this tragedy. Would be financial issues plus young kids challenges plus mother nurse working late or night, husband stressed by little kid. ...and maybe he suspect wife cheating...age insecurity ...just too many things would go wrong.
No joke raising family in America if husband and wife are not on same page.
Majority of Nurses (Men and Women) are tbe most Ridiculous and Difficult spouses to Deal with (in the Diaspora).