![[WATCH] Causes of High Divorce Rates among Kenyan Couples in the US Discussed](/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/2019-11/diaspora-life.jpg?itok=aIaMUOns)
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An alarm has been raised over the high rate of divorce among Kenyans in the diaspora, especially those living in the United States.
A recent episode of the Diaspora Life Show by Chris Wamalwa, a US-based Kenyan journalist, delved into factors that have contributed to the rise in divorce cases among the Kenya diaspora community.
Many Kenyan couples immigrating to the United States appear to be overwhelmed as they grapple with marital and family issues often occasioned by the new environment, leading to separation or even bitter divorces.
Working many different shifts in a bid to make as much money as possible is one of the main causes of increased cases of separation among Kenyan couples in the US, according to Bishop Paul Kiilu of Gospel Lighthouse Ministry in Newark, Delaware.
“You will find that many couples don’t spend time together as either the man or the woman is away looking the money, and the two only meet on the way in or out of the house. This is very common,” said Kiilu.
“Many African women often accept this as their destined way of life until they come to the United States where women have more rights and privileges and then they begin to be assertive thereby upsetting their existing family orders,” added Bishop Kiilu.
Atlanta-based Kenyan, Maggie Marikah Kwabena describes the situation as worrying, putting the rate of divorce among Kenyan couples in the US at 6 out of 10. She agrees with Bishop Kiilu on the causes of separation.
“On a scale of 1 to 10, I would say the rate of divorce among the Kenyans in the US is at 6,” says Maggie.
“I blame the American system for the high divorce rate. Couples have to work so hard to earn a living. You barely have time for your spouse…and for those couples with children, they don’t have time for them either,” she told Wamalwa.
Ohio-based scholar Justus Musyoka blamed the rise in divorce cases on change in the cultural environment.
“Having been isolated from their Kenyan cultural environment, the immigrant couples lack the marital checks and balances that made their marriages work before they immigrated and apparently fail to maintain their traditional ways as the host culture impacts their lifestyles and worldviews,” said Musyoka.
“After living in the United States for a number of years, hence, many Kenyan immigrant couples eventually succumb to the influence of American culture in positive and negative ways,” he added.
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I echo your sentiments. Times are changing. Most Kenyan women are ambitious. They enrol in school once they relocate to the US to earn a better living for the family. Once they start earning more than their spouses especially them that are allergic to school at old age,it becomes a problem. One thing leads to another and the end result is separation,divorce or both. Once women start paying most or all the bills,she has assumed the role of the head of household. The male ego is bruised. They feel disrespected. But who has failed?
It's about Money, Pride, Physical or Emotional abuse; and in other cases: Tamaa bin Tamaa tuu. This is why Wanawake wengi waKenya in US ni maSingle kupindukia.
@ Guest 1 you dont think that they chose to be single? How about the men...?First of all those women you mention - wengi wa Kenya in US ni masingle... Well one has to be single before getting married right? Remember there is no age limit as to when one has to be married. And Kenyan men are not the only hombres in the pool of selection.Not to mention some enjoy their singleness,and want to remain like that...without encumbrance.
@Max, where were you schooled about women? Your perspective when it comes to matters women....especially single, is always on point. Fungua shule you educate these men...especially African men.
Haha ha @ Just me. I listen, I observe, I empathize,I read,and I ask questions.And I have sisters...
Anyway,If I have to get along with women, I have to know about them right?
As for opening a school, Iam willing to be an instructor if you can start one.
I have met more single Kenyan men than women in Dallas. Show me those single women I need one.
I doubt if its money Guest1. Coz men have money too
I'm certain the fault lies with the men who are unable to adapt to changed circumstances. They leave a patriarchal society and move to one with a higher degree of equality, and a lower tolerance for bad behavior. They then keep old ingrained habits some of which include domestic violence, treating their wives like many treated their maids(now no longer affordable) in the 254, alcohol use(abuse) and predictably, things fall apart. With family ties tenuous, earnings equalized and no real stigma to divorce, the pressure to stay married fades & irreplaceable becomes more than just a song.
Everyone is blaming this or that...what about us the Kenyans! Perhaps we have failed to learn, embrace and adapt. Kenyans are not the first immigrants to arrive in the US. Indians come with poor English skills, Chinese and before them were Irish and Italians. They learned fast, ganged together, and charted a way forward. Obama tried to tell us this. Action groups!!! Today Indians have positioned themselves as IT and Math experts. Even when their degrees from India are completely bogus. The Irish arrived as indentured servants...but they figured how to politically maneuver things. An average Kenyan does not even know who his/her councillor or mayor is. We keep singing the same story: we ran from lions and are going back to save the damned Africans. That is the common meal ticket we teach our kids. We are weak and incapable. Thus, we remain at the bottom pursuing jobs that cannot allow a life work balance.
I have concluded that we the Kenyans in the US, we are the least intelligent. Even though we send more money to Kenya. We are moneyed fools. No vision. The ones you meet are fighting for tribal supremacy. Twice, I have witnessed vicious fights among Kenyans who were street sweepers and very below average fellas in 254, but here, they have now decided to go back to Kenya to be MPs or Governors. The other day Mudavadi came to MA. Apparently, a subtribe of Luhyas are determined to make him Kingpin, so much that those of us who sought to know why he should be president were quickly sidelined. To reason with a self proclaimed Governor (future one of Kakamega or some Luhya place) or self styled diaspora Leader of the tribe is impossible. Kenyans in the US, we are the least evolved. We just have more access to more money thanks to the value of the dollar.
Which Kenyans are you talking about? When l look around me, l see Kenyans who are doing very well in Dallas. Saying that Kenyans are the least evolved is inaccurate. Doctors, Nurses, businessmen and IT specialists are not careers for less evolved people. Yes we have Kenyans who are challenged and that is normal in every society. Talk to an Average American and ask how many times they have been married.....more than twice. I think Kenyans are doing great and we are still work in progress. Try and empower women in Kenya and see how many will remain in their marriages.
The American divorce rate is 50% and Kenyans at 60% is well within the range.Let whoever wants to divorce to do it because its their wish and that's why lawyers went to school.
America the heaven where Africans r brainwashed it's the best country to leave at or die yet modern slavery is of plenty.Too much money is not happiness n this is what this stupid kenyans r divorcing each other.Actually if u arrive in states with kids n husband or wife ur to work together make money together n bring yr kids very well together but women especially becomes devils evil shetani when they start making money especially more than husbands.They start treating their husbands like stinking thing??So shida ni sisi siyo america life.If u love n respect each other u won't allow the money or RN devolish bullshit stinking mentality to overcome yoo.
No one who lives here is brainwashed and the only one who determines your happiness is you. Most of us who live here are well aware of the country's shortcomings. We are also aware of Kenya's shortcomings but we still love it. BTW, spouses, just like countries have shortcomings which we all try to work through. I would remind you that poverty sure as s**t is more likely to make you miserable. This business of thinking mutumia nĩ ngombo yaku is antithetical to a marriage based on mutual respect, understanding, cooperation and shared goals and will lead to a quick divorce in the US
Stop blaming America! America is at its right course. Even before you immigrated here, over 400 years later, America was there...long before you were born. The problem is you, Kenyans. Divorces in America is normal, and/or natural: and legally acceptable. I mean, women and men here jump from one marriage to another. Its like signing a job contract, and if you do not like that job at the end of it, you quit. Almost all American women I've schooled or worked with are either separated or divorced. And most are in their second or third marriage, and happily single. And its not a big deal to them. Its their culture. Their ex-wives/husband comfortably moves on, allow bygones to be bygones. Each allows the other to visit or pick up the kids, in an organized function. Or if its too bad, child/spousal support kicks in. And the man, as the law stipulates, has to leave the house he is being paying for behind, and continue paying for it even when another man takes over. Huh! Now here is where the Kenya woman/man comes in. Most men arrives in the US first, works hard and brings in the wife and family later. The man, who has been burying himself in multiple jobs, decide to take his wife to college, after a short sting as a GNA, CNA or bra bra bra. Then boom, she graduates and finds that the three jobs her man has been doing, she can cluster them on one good job...paap. The man decide that now that she has graduated, he has to unload one or two jobs to give himself some rest or break. Wrong! She immediately upgrade to another course, more money start milling in. Mjamaa kesha ona mabadirika toka kwa mkewe. During all that time, she discovers women, children and dogs(sic pets), have undisputed rights than men. That men are just walking zoombies. She already knows how to make Kenyan men snap. She tries it for the first time. It works. Cut the story short, thats why more black men than whites are languishing in jail. That is why we have so many single women, young and old, wherever you go. And boys are raised by their mothers' grandma, sisters, and aunts. Yaap, boys are raised in a feminine environment, in the absence of their baby daddies who have been locked up for varies offenses. When such things happens to especially Nigerians, they know how to go about it. Instead of going through the pain of paying for a morgage or apt that another man lives in, spousal and children support, picking and dropping them from school, he quietly slips out to Abidjan, change his name and locate to another state. While Kenyan men are devoured by jealousy, commit a crime, intercepted while trying to snick out to jamhuri, then you know what happens. That is what is happening right now. Do not underrate the above headline.
I see three reasons why divorce among Kenyans in the US is higher than in Kenya.
1) Divorce is not stigmatized in the US, so women don’t feel they have to stay in bad marriages to save face.
2) Women here earn the same, or sometimes even more than, the men. They don’t have to stay in a bad marriage for financial reasons.
3) Strong child support laws here mean divorced women don’t have to financially struggle raising kids on their own.
That said, we have to remember that maintaining a strong marriage is a skill. If you don’t have the skills, don’t get married. Or acquire the skills, then get married.
Don’t get married just because society tells you that’s the next logical step after graduating college and getting a job. Do what’s right for you.
This advice is especially pertinent to men. A divorce will cost you half your wealth, child support, alimony, and time with your kids. Don’t do it if you’re not ready.
Hey @mjuaji kweli wewe nimjuaji.My last point is if ur a man invest kakitu kenya ndio when yr wife turns to b that devo bro buy one way ticket n retire home peacefully wachia yeye watoto anjipange watakunja kukutafuta siku moja that is after separating yr wife is making yr life harder n harder which 99% of women will do.Men men please invest something hapa Gichagi!Otherwise ur the one to blame not united state of gormolla
Kenya women are educated and learned with careers. They need to go back home, get a hombre and bring the hombre down here .Ama niaje.
si the hombre will act up to her just the way ladies act up when brought to the US. Marriage is tough... its not 50-50... its 200-200 or even more. if both parties do not see that... kwaheri marriage, karibu singleness.
Is it a must to be married ? Its not. Wacheni kujiwekelea ma shida mob. Ask yourself... are you divorce material ama marriage material? If even a hint of doubt is in you mind... you must be divorce material... remain single and make money... that is all you must be good at.... money material.
Strange how people want other people to lead lives according to views by other people.Whoever wants to go back to kenya should go,and whoever wants to stay in america should stay.
Who carried out this research? What was the methodology used? Sample size? Qualitative or quantitative? Was there a control group, say did the researchers find out the rates of divorce back in Kenya (it is happening a lot over there). Thing is, society has changed. All over the world. What is perceived as a high rate of divorce could be just that; a perception. What many fail to say is that the more you have a larger population, the more the occurrence of phenomena.
Hahaha I need a serious,honest and mature committed guy
Marino ya pesa. They grow horn especially if they are earing more. Secondly the law here has no room for men. Even if a woman starts a fight and then the corps come, they will listen to the woman. These laws are fashioned to kill black families especially us from Africa with a different culture. Remember how you treat someone else's son in the name of a husband same will happen to your son. If getting money makes you grow horns then dont marry and nature your horns. Period
Interesting comments with lot of insights. I was trying to correlate the findings with Europeans ratings in regard to Kenyans and marriage. I would say seek unhappiness under the sun.
Wife akileta kiburi invest heavily back home then book one way ticket,peace is more paramount than money my friend.
The number one reason I immigrated to US soon after college graduation, saying goodbye to my college sweetheart who was talking marriage, is because a Kenyan wife is not adequately protected by law because her rights as wife can be diluted by polygamy. A Kenya wife in Kenya lives in fear that her husband may take on another wife and works hard ALONE to protect her marriage but once she is in US she does not have to stress and work harder alone at the marriage because the law protects her rights as a wife and mother. Kenyan men who can not adapt to an empowered and protected wife act up and end up in divorce court and sometimes in
criminal court if they go out of line and abuse wife to maintain control on her.
I bet you, if we stop sending money to extended as well as other family members..the divorce rate would come down. Too much family pressure on individuals once they come abode...
“I blame the American system for the high divorce rate. Couples have to work so hard to earn a living. You barely have time for your spouse…and for those couples with children, they don’t have time for them either,” she told Wamalwa.
Hey dont blame the American system. You dont have to be part of it.Its just changing times. Even here in America during the world wars, women were forced to work in factories since men were being recruited in the armies,and send abroad to fight.
Yes each time you disrupt the status quo so to speak, something has to give.And when in marriage, the marriage is strained.
If you have to place money before your family,then,wait till you amass then start afamily.
Yes women have more rights and privileges in USA,but why should that be a problem unless on is abusing those rights...?
You cannot come in USA,and want to live like you are still in Kenya,hanging with your friends drinking and partying till the wee hours,and expect the home front to be intact.
You cannot treat your wife as a maid and expect peace in paradise.
You cannot have two bulls in one kraal...
Yes lack of quality time with your spouse can wreck havoc in your relationship,especially if"bruno" is complementing and paying attention to her looks...
You cannot not have peace in the house if you dont have set rules to abide by.
And above all, you cannot survive any romantic,or marital relationship without respect.
Andy finally as always say,marriage is not for every one. If you enroll in this institution without proper credentials,lack of hard work, adaptation,and finance,you are doomed to get an "F". Fail.
I can see why It against the law to marry more that one wife.I assume that all these divorces mentioned involve one spouse.Now can you fathom having to deal with 3 wives...?
Anyway folks, rest assured that,these are just growing pains of changing times. Men and women will eventually learn to "co-exist amiably" I am confident that science will one day come up with aformula for longivity of marriages.In fact right now there are ways one can "insulate" themselves against divorce,but for some reason people involved dont want to do that.I guess sometimes splitting is the best way out.My 2cents